The Blame Game

What’s Easier: Pointing Fingers?

It’s human nature to look for an easy route, and blaming others for our emotions seems just that: simple and straightforward. Instead of scrutinising our inner selves, we often find it more convenient to direct the spotlight elsewhere.

Why Do We Blame?

In the quest to protect our ego, and discharge our discomfort and pain, we externalise responsibility. It’s a defence mechanism. Instead of saying, “I feel hurt because of my expectations,” we opt for, “You hurt me.” It’s a subtle shift but a significant one. Here, psychotherapy comes into play, offering a framework to explore and understand this dynamic.

What’s Nonviolent Communication Got to Do With It?

In 1964, Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a process aimed at fostering compassionate connection and action. The core idea of NVC is that our actions are motivated by an attempt to meet fundamental human needs. When we blame, we obscure these needs and hamper effective communication.

How Can NVC Help?

Instead of blaming, NVC asks us to identify the unmet needs triggering our emotions. By doing so, we switch from a fault-finding mode to a needs-identification mode. This reframing paves the way for better understanding and constructive conversation.

Is Owning Emotions Really that Hard?

Taking ownership of your feelings requires courage and introspection. It means setting aside the ego for a more nuanced understanding of your emotional state. This isn’t a straightforward process, and that’s why many opt for the simpler path of blaming others.

What’s the Role of Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy, including organisational psychotherapy, offers tools for this emotional ownership. The practice can help pinpoint the underlying beliefs or attitudes that contribute to our emotional states, thus encouraging emotional responsibility.

So, What’s the Payoff?

When you stop blaming others and take ownership of your emotions, you make room for real change. The power shifts from the external to the internal, offering you control over your emotional well-being.

How Can This Change Your Life?

Emotional ownership is empowering. It offers a clearer path to resolving conflicts, whether they’re in the workplace or personal relationships. Additionally, it strengthens emotional intelligence, a trait highly valued in today’s world.

Conclusion: Which Path Will You Choose?

We’ve got two roads ahead: the easy path of blame or the challenging but rewarding journey of emotional ownership. With the help of psychotherapy and tools like Nonviolent Communication, choosing the latter becomes not only feasible but deeply enriching. So, what’ll it be?

Further Reading

The RSA. (2013, April 4). Brené Brown on Blame [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8