The Violent Nature of Expectations

What’s Behind Expectations?

Expectations seem benign, almost a part of our daily life that we accept without question. Yet they carry a violent undertone. Why? Because each expectation imposes an obligation. This very act places the burden of fulfilling said expectation on the other person, encroaching on their autonomy.

Are All Expectations Harmful?

Yes, expectations are inherently harmful and violent. This isn’t just about the high expectations that place immense pressure on someone to succeed, or the low expectations that can limit a person’s growth. The violence exists in all expectations, big or small.

Why Focus on Obligation?

Obligation is a form of manipulation, falling under the umbrella of what is known as F.O.G.S.—Fear, Obligation, Guilt, and Shame. These are tools of control, used to manipulate emotions and actions. When you expect something from someone, you instantly obligate them to act according to your will. They become, even if only subtly, beholden to you.

What’s the Impact on Relationships?

Expectations, fuelled by obligation, harm relationships at their core. The freedom to choose, love, and grow gets stifled. Whether it’s a personal relationship or a professional one, the imposition of expectations ruins the natural dynamic, making the relationship transactional, conditional, and ultimately, brittle.

How Do We Move Forward?

Recognising the violent nature of expectations is the first step. From there, it’s about letting go, eliminating these imposed obligations from your interactions with others. The absence of expectation fosters mutual respect and allows for authentic relationships to flourish.

So, would you be willing to confront your expectations for what they are—a form of violence—and make a conscious choice to eliminate them from your life?