People are Hurting: The Journey of Pain and Self-Responsibility

In every corner of our world, people are hurting. Emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. Every pain is unique, just as every person’s experience is uniquely their own. But one thread binds all these individual aches and pangs: the yearning for relief and understanding.

Buddhist philosophy speaks of “dukha,” a term encompassing suffering and unsatisfactoriness. This ancient concept highlights that pain, in various forms, is an intrinsic part of the human experience. The very fact that life brings challenges and dissatisfaction is a universal truth, and understanding this is the first step toward healing.

It’s natural to hope that someone else will mend our wounds. After all, in many cases, it’s others who have inadvertently or intentionally caused them. When you’re struck, in whatever form, it’s instinctive to want the one who dealt the blow to be the one to soothe it.

However, here’s a truth that many of us find hard to accept: relying on others to ease our pain or hoping they’ll change is not the way forward. Some, in their pursuit of relief, resort to (metaphorical) anesthesia – distractions, vices, or behaviours that numb the pain temporarily but don’t offer a lasting solution.

When we shift the responsibility of our pain entirely onto others or external escapes, we give away our power. This externalisation leaves us vulnerable. If that other person does not meet our expectations or if our chosen distractions fail us, we’re left feeling helpless and stuck.

Taking responsibility for our healing does not mean we’re accepting blame for what happened to us. It means we’re taking charge of our journey from this point forward. Therapy is one avenue that allows to actualise this ownership. It provides tools, insights, and a safe space to explore our pain, get to its root, and work through it. It’s a proactive step towards self-understanding and recovery.

If you’re hurting, remember this: others may trigger your pain, but only you can control your response to the triggers. And this takes practice and effort.