Why Does Telling Fail?

What’s Wrong with Directives?

We often think that conveying information directly is the most effective way to communicate. However, psychology tells us it’s not that straightforward. When we instruct someone, we unknowingly activate psychological mechanisms that can, in fact, make the message less impactful or even counterproductive.

Why Do People Resist?

Human beings have a strong psychological need for autonomy. When we’re told what to do, we may perceive their freedom as being threatened, leading to an automatic response of resistance. This phenomenon is known as psychological reactance. Instead of facilitating change or fostering understanding, the act of telling can often make us dig in our heels.

Does Age Matter?

Contrary to popular belief, reactance isn’t limited to rebellious teenagers. Adults are equally prone to resist when they feel that their autonomy is being compromised. In the workplace, for example, managers who rely solely on directives find their teams less engaged and less productive.

Can Telling Be Ineffective?

Not only can telling lead to resistance, but it can also be a flawed method for conveying complex ideas or nuanced perspectives. Simplifying intricate issues into directives often results in misunderstanding, as it strips the topic of its necessary context.

What Happens to Learning?

When someone is told what to do or think, they’re less likely to engage in deep cognitive processes necessary for true understanding. The lack of critical thought and internalisation means that any change is likely to be superficial and temporary.

What Are the Alternatives?

Clearly, the traditional methods of telling or instructing have their limitations. So, what approaches can we employ instead?

Is Active Engagement the Key?

Encouraging people to participate in discussions allows them to feel a sense of ownership over their decisions. Active engagement not only satisfies the need for autonomy but also fosters a deeper understanding of the issues at hand. Caution: How often have we been encouraged to participate in a discussion only to find it mere “engagement theatre”?

How About Empathy?

Understanding the emotional states and perspectives of others can facilitate more effective communication. Empathic approaches may include asking questions to explore someone’s needa and views or using reflective empathic listening to show that you understand their point of view.

A New Way Forward

Telling doesn’t work as effectively as we’d like because it often triggers psychological resistance and fails to convey necessary context. To communicate more effectively, consider using methods that promote active engagement and empathy. These alternative approaches respect the psychological needs of the individual and are likely to lead to more meaningful understanding and change.