Archive

Conversations

Exploring Shared Assumptions and Beliefs with the Help of an AI Chatbot

March 27, 2024
Actionable Insights, AI, Alien tech, Article, Business, Chatbots, Collective psyche, Conversations, Dialogue, Improvement, Leadership, Memeology, Organisational effectiveness, Organisational Therapy, Quintessence
Leave a comment

Exploring Shared Assumptions and Beliefs with the Help of an AI Chatbot

Introduction

As businesses strive for innovation and growth, they often find themselves running up against unseen barriers – ingrained ways of thinking and behaving that can severely limit their ambitions and ability to adapt. In many cases, these constraining (shared) beliefs and assumptions live under the surface, making them extremely difficult to identify and uproot.

This sample dialogue (below) aims to illustrate how engaging with an AI chatbot like Claude can provide a fresher, more impartial perspective to help bring those unconscious blockers into the light. By asking probing questions and suggesting reframes, an AI can serve as a cooperative thinking partner to explore the root causes behind an organisation’s collective blind spots.

Let’s take a look at how this conversational process might unfold:
(Note: this is an actual dialogue generated by ClaudeAI)

Overcoming Organisational Blind Spots: A Candid Dialogue

Are Collective Mindsets Holding Us Back?

Business Team: We’re really struggling as a team at work. Our growth and innovation have hit a plateau, and we can’t seem to get over this hump. We feel like there are some underlying assumptions or beliefs that we all unconsciously share that are limiting our thinking, but we can’t quite put our finger on what they are. Any thoughts?

Claude: That’s an insightful observation. Could you elaborate on the areas where your team has faced repeated roadblocks or struggled to adapt? Have you noticed any patterns in how new ideas get instantly dismissed or shut down?

The Perils of Risk-Aversion

Business Team: You know, now that you mention it, we do tend to instinctively shut down ideas that seem too ambitious or radically different from our current model. There’s an assumption that taking big swings is too risky and that we’re better off sticking to incremental innovations.

Claude: I see, so there seems to be an excessive aversion to risk-taking that could be crippling your team’s ability to innovate more boldly. Where might this belief originate from? Perhaps past failures that bred excessive caution within the team?

Overconfidence from Past Successes

Business Team: And you’re right, we may be overly reliant on past glories and successes rather than pushing for true disruption these days.

Claude: Overconfidence and complacency from previous successes is a common pitfall for teams. Have you explored where those constraining beliefs originated within your group? Sometimes they start from overcorrecting after a past failure. Or they take root from excessive short-term focus and risk-aversion in decision making over time.

Business Team: You’ve hit the nail on the head. We can trace the risk-aversion back to a few high-profile product launches that failed a few years ago. And the reverence for our old products stems from the founders still being closely involved, constantly reminiscing about how we initially disrupted the market.

Shattering Ingrained Narratives

Claude: Those do seem like major sources of the limiting beliefs constraining your team’s thinking. But how can you start dismantling and changing those ingrained narratives collectively? Here are some suggestions:

  1. Make the limiting beliefs explicit and discuss them openly together as a team. Bringing these unconscious biases into the light is key.
  2. Have you analyzed instances where those beliefs caused you to miss opportunities and calculated the cost of leaving innovation on the table as a group?
  3. Could you find examples of competitors or companies in other industries who have succeeded by doing the opposite – embracing risks, continuously reinventing themselves? Study how they cultivated a different organizational mindset.
  4. Implement structural changes to counteract the limiting beliefs. For instance, explicitly weighing the cost of inaction, having an “innovation ombudsman” role, or celebrating failed experiments more than static successes.
  5. Bring in fresh perspectives through new hires, industry experts, or even customers who can challenge the status quo assumptions.

The ultimate ambition might be to make curiosity, experimentation, and an appetite for disruption core cultural values for your team and organisation.

Business Team: This is immensely helpful. We have a much clearer picture now of how to diagnose and deliberately shift our unhelpful collective beliefs as a team. Change starts by bringing those unconscious biases into the light through open discussion. We really appreciate you laying out such a detailed framework – we’re energized to start implementing these ideas right away.

Bringing in an Organisational Psychotherapist

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, it can be extremely difficult for a team to identify and overcome their own deep-seated collective assumptions and beliefs on their own. This is where bringing in an outside organisational psychotherapist can be invaluable…

By prompting deeper reflection, offering new perspectives, and designing tailored interventions, an experienced organisational psychotherapist or AI assistant can catalyse the crucial process of surfacing and reflecting upon an organisation’s dysfunctional beliefs and narratives.

While working with a human expert may ultimately be advisable for any complex organisational transformation, this dialogue demonstrates how an AI like Claude can provide a potential first step. Through probing inquiries and analytical detachment, an AI chatbot can shed light on the obscured mental models that might be unwittingly obstructing an organisation’s path to greater innovation and growth.

The Power of Reflective Questions

March 5, 2024
Actionable Insights, Article, Capability development, Collaboration, Community, Conversations, Culture change, Dialogue
Leave a comment

The Power of Reflective Questions

The Impact of Our Questions

When it comes to understanding employee satisfaction and well-being, the questions we ask hold immense power. They shape the depth of insight we receive and the degree of self-reflection they prompt in others.

Simple vs. Reflective Questions

Consider these two contrasting questions:

  1. “Do you feel happy in your work and workplace?”
  2. “What factors contribute to making you feel happy or sad about your work and workplace?”

The first question stands broad and surface-level. A simple yes/no response fails to encourage any deeper self-reflection on the part of the employee. While they may respond truthfully, that single word provides no window into the nuanced drivers behind their feelings. Some might describe this as a “closed” question.

The second question, however, demands thoughtful introspection. It pushes the employee to pinpoint the root causes and specific elements that amplify or detract from their workplace fulfillment and positive sentiments about their role. Some might describe this as an “open” question.

The Value of Self-Reflection

An insightful response might go:

“I find happiness in this role’s meaningful work and growth opportunities. However, the long hours, lack of work-life balance, and poor management communication leave me frequently stressed and discouraged.”

This level of self-reflection yields far richer insights for the employer and embloyee, both. They gain a holistic view into not just the employee’s mood, but the underlying factors and pain points shaping their experience each day.

Fostering Authentic Understanding

The quality of the questions we ask directly impacts the quality of self-reflection. When we ask binary, closed-ended questions about complex issues like happiness, we restrict the potential for enlightening personal contemplation, and meaningful dialogue.

In contrast, open-ended exploratory inquiries serve as prompts for valuable self-reflection. They require respondents to purposefully examine their emotions, motivations, and the nuanced elements influencing their attitudes and engagement levels.

As employers, if we seek authentic understandings rather than superficial sentiments, we must create room for self-reflection through our questions. Instead of asking “Are you happy?”, we might choose to frame inquiries that facilitate thoughtful exploration: “What brings you a sense of meaning and fulfillment in your work? What factors leave you feeling dissatisfied or burnt out?”

The Path to Better Connection

When we invite this level of self-reflection, we don’t just understand an employee’s current state. We gain powerful insights into the roots of their experiences – both positive and negative. Armed with that deeper awareness, we can enact changes, reinforce strengths, and directly address issues eroding engagement and achievement, and sucking joy.

In the quest for connection, self-reflective questions are an under-utilised superpower. They enable not just data collection, but a purposeful exploration of the human experience we’re aiming to improve. Let’s craft questions that illuminate richer truths and inspire more fulfillment.

You May Find This Disconcerting

February 27, 2024
Antimatter principle, Article, Attendants, Caring, Compassion, Conversations, Organisational Therapy
Leave a comment

You May Find This Disconcerting

Organisational psychotherapists have an unusual approach to helping people that some might find quite disconcerting. When advising on jobs, relationships, or life decisions, we don’t just take requests at face value. Instead, we dig deeper using the Antimatter Principle.

The goal is to aid people in surfacing the hidden motivations underlying what people say they need. We often ask “Why?” to expose emotional needs and deeper values driving behaviour. And admittedly this persistent probing makes many uncomfortable, at least initially.

We find ourselves constantly asking “Why?” Not just once, but repetitively, until our clients get to the heart of the matter. We’re looking for folks to understand their underlying motivations – the fundamental emotional, psychological or values-based drivers behind their stated wants and requests.

For example, say someone asks for advice on finding a new job with better pay. We could just look at open positions and salaries, making recommendations based on those factors.

But instead, we might ask “Why?” in an attempt to surface their assumptyions and beliefs, and to help them uncover their motivations.

Perhaps they want higher pay because they feel unappreciated in their work. Maybe it’s about financing kids’ education. Or it could be dreaming of a new house. There may even be a desire to boost self-esteem or a sense of self-worth tied to income level.

These motivations are powerful drivers of the stated need. Ttruly helping people requires understanding those underlying emotional needs and values behind the surface-level request.

So we might continue asking “Why?” until their motivation reveals itself to them. With that understanding, we’re able to reflect on jobs or other solutions that may work far better than just chasing higher pay. We uncover approaches that align with their deepest needs, not just the transactional request.

Clearly, repetitively asking “Why?” in attempts to unearth hidden motivations is an unusual approach. And yes, some may understandably find this probing style uncomfortable or disconcerting at first. (Clean Language can help)

But time and again I’ve seen the aha moments this approach delivers as people’s motivations come to the surface. And it’s helped friends, family and clients find outcomes better tailored to their previously unstated and unconcious needs.

That ability to uncover and serve people’s underlying emotional drivers we call the Antimatter Principle. These hidden motivations power much of human behavior. Bringing them to the surface releases energy capable of transforming outcomes in positive ways.

So if in working with an organisational psychotherapist you ever feel we’re responding oddly or asking too many follow-up “Why’s,” this principle likely explains it. We simply believe that to truly help people, we must do the work of supporting the discovery of their deeper motivations and needs.

US and THEM

January 23, 2024
Actionable Insights, Article, Collaboration, Community, Conversations, Culture change, Organisational effectiveness, Organisational Therapy, Quintessence
Leave a comment

US and THEM

In any human organisation, natural subgroups emerge from shared interests, backgrounds and experiences. While we might expect some clustering, problems arise when – as is common in tech organisations – an “us vs them” mentality takes hold between ingroups and outgroups.

Some common divides in tech companies include:

Ingroups

  • Engineers
  • Product Managers
  • Executives
  • Long-Serving Employees

Outgroups

  • Non-Technical Roles
  • Contractors/Consultants
  • Recent Hires
  • Remote Employees

Impacts

Divides often lead to biased decisions, limited information sharing, poor collaboration, feelings of disrespect, high turnover, groupthink and tokenism. Organisations fragmented by subgroups usually suffer as a result.

We’re All In This Together?

Rather than expecting executives and HR to fix these issues, employees at all levels have significant power to act.

Actions for Individual Contributors

  • Look into the basic phenomenon of ingroups and outgroups
  • Build relationships beyond your immediate team
  • Model inclusive language and behaviour
  • Call out subtle exclusion when you see it
  • Learn more about internal groups you don’t interact with often

Tactics for Teams

  • Set expectations for mutual understanding between groups (charters can help)
  • Invite rotation of cross-functional team staffing
  • Discuss observations about silo behaviour in retrospectives
  • Provide onboarding mentorships to new hires across the company
  • Avoid protecting the team (instead, seek mutual dialogues and benefits)

Folks who own the way the work works also play a crucial role too by implementing structural changes to connectivity. But culture shifts come largely from how rank-and-file employees relate, day-to-day. Each person can choose to reflect upon their language, decisions and behaviours that might be isolating colleagues and subgroups, and solidifying ingroup and outgroup divisions.

The end goal is a culture where people bring their whole, authentic selves to work (often risky), uniqueness stands out more than fitting in, and outsiders get welcomed rather than excluded.

What tactics have you found most effective for strengthening connections between workgroups? What benefits have you seen? Let’s exchange ideas in the comments!

The Nonviolent Communication Advantage in Relationships

September 10, 2023
Antimatter principle, Article, Community, Conversations, Empathy, Nonviolence, Nonviolent Communication, Relationships, Trust
Leave a comment

The Nonviolent Communication Advantage in Relationships

Can NVC Elevate Workplace Relationships?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) isn’t just a concept; it’s a practice. It consists of observing without judgment, expressing feelings, articulating needs, and making clear requests. In a work environment, these principles can go a long way to build mutual respect and understanding. They promote constructive criticism and foster an open dialogue.

What Does NVC Bring to Group Dynamics?

When it comes to group interactions, NVC shines in its ability to alleviate tension and solve conflict. By focusing on unmet needs instead of blame, NVC creates a constructive pathway to solutions. Teams can navigate disagreements and reach a mutual understanding. In this space, everybody’s needs get a chance to be heard, fostering collaboration and creativity.

Dissolves Tension Through Empathy

One of the most immediate effects of applying NVC in a group setting is the reduction of tension. Often, disagreements escalate because people feel misunderstood or attacked. NVC replaces these barriers with empathy. Team members learn to listen actively and validate each other’s feelings and needs, which in turn lowers emotional walls and facilitates productive dialogue.

Redirects the Focus to Unmet Needs

In traditional models of communication, a point of conflict often leads to a blame game. This not only stifles resolution but can also create animosity within the group. NVC shifts this focus from assigning blame to identifying unmet needs. When group members express what they require instead of blaming others, it encourages a problem-solving mindset. This can lead to more equitable outcomes that respect the needs of all involved.

Enables Mutual Understanding

NVC encourages people to express themselves clearly and concisely, focusing on what they observe, feel, need, and request. This clarity helps group members to better understand each other’s perspectives and constraints. Misunderstandings are resolved more quickly, as the communication becomes more transparent. As everyone gains a more nuanced understanding of each other’s needs and contributions, a deeper mutual respect develops.

Boosts Collaboration and Creativity

Once the groundwork of empathy and understanding is laid, teams find it easier to collaborate. Everyone becomes more invested in each other’s success, setting the stage for more cohesive teamwork. Moreover, as trust within the group increases, members are more willing to share creative ideas without the fear of ridicule or misunderstanding. NVC thus acts as a catalyst for innovation, allowing the collective intelligence of the group to flourish.

Creates an Inclusive Environment

In a group dynamic where NVC is practiced, every voice matters. The inherent respect for each individual’s needs and feelings fosters an inclusive atmosphere. Team members from diverse backgrounds, who may have different styles of communication or varying viewpoints, find it easier to integrate and contribute. This inclusivity not only enriches the group’s overall skill set but also enhances its problem-solving capabilities.

In summary, NVC in group dynamics works as a multifaceted tool. It dissolves tension, redirects focus from blame to needs, fosters mutual understanding, enhances collaboration and creativity, and encourages inclusivity. It’s not just a communication style but a comprehensive approach to improving how groups interact and function.

Do Relationships Outside Work Benefit from NVC?

NVC isn’t just for professional settings. Families, couples, and friends can find value in its principles. In intimate relationships, NVC helps in the articulation of emotional needs and ensures that both parties feel heard and understood. Open, honest communication is encouraged, deepening the emotional connection.

Enhances Emotional Expression

One of the most significant benefits of NVC in personal relationships is that it encourages the open expression of emotions. Traditional communication often falls short in this aspect, making it difficult for individuals to convey what they’re feeling. NVC provides the tools for a more nuanced expression of emotions, eliminating misunderstandings and allowing people to feel genuinely understood by their loved ones.

Fosters Authentic Conversations

Most relationships suffer from a lack of honest and open communication. People often conceal their true feelings to avoid conflict or because they fear judgment. NVC breaks down these barriers by fostering a non-judgmental space where individuals can express their authentic selves. This leads to more meaningful conversations that serve to deepen the relationship.

Resolves Conflicts Harmoniously

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. What sets healthy relationships apart from dysfunctional ones is the ability to resolve these conflicts in a mutually satisfying way. NVC shifts the conflict resolution focus from winning an argument to understanding and meeting the underlying needs of each party involved. The result is a more harmonious resolution that strengthens the relationship rather than erodes it.

Enhances Empathy and Mutual Respect

By focusing on empathetic listening and understanding, NVC cultivates a culture of mutual respect within relationships. Each person learns to appreciate the feelings and needs of the other, which encourages a supportive and nurturing environment. This mutual respect further solidifies the relationship and makes it more resilient in the face of challenges.

Strengthens Emotional Bonds

Last but not least, NVC significantly contributes to strengthening emotional bonds between individuals. When people feel heard and valued, their emotional attachment to each other deepens. Emotional intimacy is crucial for any long-lasting, fulfilling relationship, and NVC provides the framework to achieve this.

To summarise, the influence of NVC extends well beyond professional settings and offers significant advantages in personal relationships. By facilitating emotional expression, authentic conversations, harmonious conflict resolution, empathy, and stronger emotional bonds, NVC serves as a cornerstone for healthier, more fulfilling relationships outside the workplace.

Summary: Is NVC the Relationship Game-Changer?

In both workplace relationships and broader social circles, NVC stands out as an effective tool for building stronger, more open interactions. By focusing on empathy and understanding, it paves the way for improved communication and stronger bonds.

NVC has a far-reaching impact. From conference rooms to living rooms to bedrooms, its principles can transform how we relate to one another. It offers the promise of not just better conversations but also enriched relationships. So, why not give it a try?

Further Reading

Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Puddledancer Press.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2005). Speak Peace in a World of Conflict. Puddledancer Press.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2005). The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift. Puddledancer Press.
Rosenberg, M. B., & Chopra, D. (2006). Words That Work in Business. Puddledancer Press.

Dulce Et Decorum Est

August 27, 2023
Article, Business, Conversations, Management, Nonviolent Communication, Organisational effectiveness
Leave a comment

Dulce Et Decorum Est

Ah, decorum, the double-edged sword. On one hand, it stitches the social fabric of a business, ensuring threads don’t unravel into chaos. On the flip side, it’s like a too-tight knot, limiting movement and sometimes even cutting off circulation to vital areas. Let’s get into it…

Decorum’s Dark Side: The Silence of Discomfort

We’ve talked about decorum as the unsung hero in boardrooms and virtual chats, keeping us from diving into the abyss of unfiltered chaos. But what about the times when decorum turns into the villain, stifling the very discussions necessary to propel a business forward?

The Elephant in the Room: Conformity

  1. Gagging Honesty: When decorum overshadows openness, honesty often gets gagged and tied to a chair. Fear of breaking the ‘decorum barrier’ can dissuade people from expressing dissenting opinions, however constructive and necessary they may be.
  2. Limiting Discourse: One downside of decorum is that it can frame discussions within narrow boundaries. Topics that are uncomfortable, controversial, or challenging are often off the table.Undiscussibility thrives.
  3. Lack of Intense Debate: Some of the best ideas come from heated discussions, where people don’t just tiptoe around the issues but dig into them. Decorum can chill these debates, making them tepid exchanges of superficial pleasantries and irrelevant trivialities.See also: Bikeshedding.

For Those Who See Dissent as a Duty

In some work cultures, contentious discussions aren’t just tolerated, they’re demanded. Employees treat no subject as undiscussable and consider dissent to be an obligation. In such an environment, excessive decorum can be like putting a speed limit on a racetrack. Here’s why:

  1. Quelling the Revolutionary: The one who disagrees, questions, or pushes boundaries often initiates change. A decorum-ruled environment can make these individuals avoid speaking up.
  2. Consensus ≠ Progress: Decorum often seeks consensus, which can be the enemy of innovation. After all, if everyone agrees, then everyone is likely thinking too much along the same lines.
  3. The Cost of Silence: When people feel the need to dissent but are discouraged by an excessively decorous atmosphere, the cost isn’t just emotional. The business will lose out on valuable insights and revolutionary ideas.

What distinguishes exemplary boards is that they are robust, effective social systems … The highest performing companies have extremely contentious boards that regard dissent as an obligation and that treat no subject as undiscussable.

~ Jeffrey Sonnenfeld

Striking a New Balance

Given that decorum isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, how do we redefine it for the modern, dynamic workplace?

  1. Context is King: Understand when it’s appropriate to uphold traditional decorum (hint: rarely) and when it’s productive to let the reigns loosen (hint: almost always).
  2. Facilitate Safe Spaces: Create environments where challenging the status quo is not just accepted but demanded and celebrated.
  3. Redefine Norms: Perhaps it’s time to evolve the notion of decorum to include open, intense debate as a form of respect for the collective intelligence of the team.
  4. Leadership’s Role: Managers might choose to not just tolerate but encourage dissenting opinions. The truest form of respect is to take someone’s ideas seriously enough to debate them passionately.

Final Thoughts

Decorum has its merits, no doubt. But when it becomes the warden rather than the grease of business communication, we risk locking up the very ideas and discussions that could set a company free. Next time you enter a room—whether it’s a boardroom or a chatroom—think twice before you let decorum silence the dissent that could be the catalyst for change.

Further Reading

In ‘Radical Candor,’ Kim Scott (2017) revolutionises our understanding of effective communication and team building. She presents a compelling case for a communication style that combines candour with empathy, challenging the notion that leaders need to be either ‘soft’ or ‘tough.’ Instead, Scott introduces the concept of ‘Radical Candor’ as the golden mean—a zone where people can both care personally and challenge directly, thereby contributing to building teams that are both cohesive and highly productive. In the current climate of rapidly evolving business landscapes and diverse workforces, Scott’s insights offer timely and actionable steps for enhancing communication and performance.

Scott, K. (2017). Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity. St. Martin’s Press.

How to Carry a Conversation: The Art of Social Interaction

August 6, 2023
Article, Conversations, Culture change, Dialogue, haiku, Listening, Needs, Nonviolent Communication, Quintessence, Teambuilding
Leave a comment

How to Carry a Conversation: The Art of Social Interaction

Introduction

This is a blog post I’ve needed to write for a long time. I’m not sure just why it’s taken me so long to get round to it, but here it is at last. 🙂

Conversations are central to human connection. They provide a platform for us to express our thoughts, relay experiences, and foster relationships with others. However, carrying a conversation, especially with unfamiliar individuals or in unknown settings, can be challenging. To “carry a conversation” means to maintain the flow and interest of a discussion, ensuring it doesn’t falter or collapse, especially during potential lulls, and meets the needs of all involved.

Imagine a conversation as a series of peaks and troughs. The peaks represent those magical moments when both participants are engaged, sharing ideas, and feeling connected. The troughs, while inevitable in most conversations, are where one might experience moments of silence, discomfort, or disconnect. It’s during these troughs that the true skill of a conversationalist shines through.

The good news is, the art of conversation is a skill that can be acquired by all, and refined with practice and the right techniques. In this post, we’ll delve into methods to enhance your conversational abilities and discuss the profound benefits that accompany this skill.

Personally, engagiging conversations tick most of my boxes. And PS: Chats and conversations are entirely different things AFAIC.

The Benefits of Proficient Conversation Skills:

  1. Strengthening Relationships: Whether friendships, familial ties, or professional connections, adept conversation can enhance these bonds.
  2. Personal Growth: Diverse conversations expand your perspectives, challenge pre-existing beliefs, and augment your knowledge base.
  3. Professional Advancement: Effective dialogue can facilitate opportunities in the professional realm, from networking to job interviews and client communications.
  4. Boosted Self-confidence: As you become more adept in social interactions, your confidence in your ability to communicate and understand others increases.

One-to-One Conversations:

Engaging in a one-to-one conversation can be both intimate and intense. It offers an opportunity for deeper connection and understanding. Here are a few techniques tailored for such settings:

  1. Maintain Eye Contact: This displays attentiveness and interest, fostering a sense of connection.
  2. Personalise the Discussion: Tap into shared experiences or explore topics of mutual interest.
  3. Offer Validation: Let the other person know you value their thoughts by acknowledging their feelings and viewpoints.
  4. Avoid Distractions: Turn off or put away your phone to show that you are entirely present.

Conversations with More Than Two People:

Group conversations can be dynamic and diverse but might require different strategies:

  1. Be Inclusive: Make an effort to involve everyone, ensuring no one feels left out.
  2. Moderate when Needed: If one individual dominates the conversation, raise the issue so others can express their feeling of the matter and invite remediation.
  3. Track Multiple Threads: With multiple people, various subjects may arise. Be adept at keeping up and weaving between topics. Flag bifurcations so participants have the opportunity to express their needs and adress remediations if needed.
  4. Acknowledge Different Opinions: Groups often have people who express varied viewpoints. Invite participants to acknowledge these differences and act together to keep the conversation on track (just which track lies in the hands of everyone, together).

Techniques for Effective Conversations

  1. Make it Mutual: This is crucial. Unless the conversation heads where BOTH parties (or all parties) need it to, it can falter, degenerate, and potentially collapse. WHich, by the way, may be for the best. Make regular check-ins during the conversation to assess how others are feeling, and gauge the extent to which everyone’s needs are being met.
  2. Folks have to NEED the Connection: Understand that conversation provides invaluable opportunity for connection. With an inherent need for connection, y’all will naturally seek ways to foster and continue the dialogue. While pauses are natural, inevitable, and perfectly acceptable, always strive to pick up the thread and carry the conversation further.
  3. Engage in Active Listening: Beyond mere hearing, active listening involves being truly present. This entails understanding the other person’s perspective and demonstrating genuine interest.
  4. Don’t be Overly Concerned with Active Listening: Fake it till you make it, as they say. The continued conversation is the thing.
  5. Carry the Conversation at All Costs: Take the initiative in ensuring the conversation flows. While it’s essential to listen, it’s equally important to drive the conversation, especially in moments of silence or potential stagnation, rather than let it peter out beforew everyone has got their conversation-related needs met.
  6. Pick Up The Pauses: Each time a break in the flow happens, try restarting the flow with an innocent question, possibly from the Clean Language canon.
  7. Pose Open-ended Queries: Instead of questions that yield a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’, opt for ones that necessitate more comprehensive responses. For instance, rather than asking “Did you enjoy your holiday?”, consider “I’d love to hear about the standout moments of your holiday. Would you be willing to share?”
  8. Demonstrate Empathy: Convey understanding and compassion. When someone shares an experience, express empathy with phrases like, “That sounds challenging for you”.
  9. Ensure Equitable Participation: Ensure that the conversation isn’t one-sided. Allow the other individual(s) ample opportunity to participate.
  10. Stay Informed: Being aware of current affairs, literature, or cultural events provides a wide range of topics for discussion. However, be mindful of potentially controversial subjects, and irrelevancies.
  11. Mind Your Body Language: Maintain appropriate eye contact, lean in subtly to indicate engagement, and ensure your posture remains open and approachable.
  12. Recognise When to Adjust: If you detect a lack of interest or discomfort, it’s advisable to flag your noticing, and invite action to e.g. transition the topic or guide the conversation in a new direction.
  13. Share Relevant Anecdotes: Personal stories, when pertinent to the conversation, can captivate and engage the listener. They can also bore and frustrate. Beware – and remain attentive to the conversation-related needs of all participants (including your own).
  14. Avoid Listening to Reply: If you’re continuously concerned about crafting the perfect response, the natural progression of the dialogue might flounder. Focus on the present exchange and understand that occasional pauses are natural.
  15. Practice Makes Perfect: As with any skill, the more you intentionally engage in conversation, the more adept you’ll become. Interact with a variety of people in diverse settings to refine your abilities and skills.

In Conclusion

Mastering the art of conversation is an ongoing journey. It’s about forging genuine human connections, not achieving perfection. With patience and regular practice, you can evolve into someone who not only carries conversations but also deeply values the meaningful connections they cultivate. The essence of the matter is, it’s not about being the most intriguing person in the room, but the most interested in and considerate of your fellow conversationalist(s). And remember, it takes everyone to have really rewarding conversation. As with many things, it’s the environment / system / context that matters at least as much as individual conversational skills.

Haiku

Hearts deeply listen,
Talk flows, turning into art,
Timeless bonds are born.

Further Reading

For those interested in delving deeper into the intricacies of conversation and the art of dialogue, consider the following works:

  • Bohm, D. (1996). On Dialogue. Routledge.

David Bohm’s “On Dialogue” is a foundational text that explores the nature and purpose of dialogue, highlighting its transformative potential. Bohm discusses the barriers that prevent true dialogue and offers insights into fostering genuine and meaningful communication. It’s a must-read for anyone seeking a profound understanding of conversation and human connection.

  • Isaacs, W. (1999). Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together. Currency.

William Isaacs’ “Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together” delves into the transformative potential of dialogue in personal and professional settings. Isaacs presents a compelling argument for the need to foster genuine dialogues, emphasizing the value of collective thinking. He offers practical techniques and principles to facilitate more meaningful communications, inspired by his experiences and research in the field. An essential read for those aspiring to enhance their communicative prowess and cultivate deeper connections in group settings.

Work or Talk?

July 1, 2023
Article, Business, Conversations, Culture change, Dialogue, Improvement, Productivity
Leave a comment

Work or Talk?

In the demanding sphere of business organisations, a challenging dichotomy frequently arises between tackling the daily workload and engaging in dialogues about making the work work better. Both aspects are equally crucial for an organisation’s growth and development, but striking the right balance often presents a conundrum.

Daily tasks and responsibilities are the lifeblood of any business. They drive the operational efficiency and directly impact the bottom line. However, being caught in the ceaseless whirlwind of daily tasks can easily create tunnel vision, where the broader perspective of considering the way the work works for increased effectiveness gets lost.

On the other hand, conversations about improving the “way the work works” are essential for progress. These dialogues include brainstorming sessions, team meetings, offsites, and discussions around process improvement, optimisation, and innovation. They provide an opportunity for identifying bottlenecks, tackling problems, and integrating more effective strategies. But if these dialogues dominate the schedule, the urgency of daily tasks can get sidelined, affecting the immediate productivity.

The key to balancing this conundrum lies in – paradoxically – regular dialogues about where the balance presently lies, and where it would best lie. Folks can choose to make time for such discussions on balance without hampering the daily workflow. This can involve setting aside dedicated times for such conversations, or integrating feedback and improvement processes within the daily work routines.

Organisations that manage to master this delicate equilibrium not only stay on top of their day-to-day operations but also continually enhance the way their work works, leading to a long-term, sustainable success.

Unshackle Yourself from ‘Shoulding’: Embrace the Power of Choice

April 5, 2023
Article, Conversations, Nonviolence, Nonviolent Communication
Leave a comment

Unshackle Yourself from ‘Shoulding’: Embrace the Power of Choice

💡 Imagine a world where guilt, shame, and pressure dissolve, replaced by empowerment and self-determination. Discover the transformative impact of switching from “shoulding” to “might choose to,” and watch as conversations, writings, and thoughts become more authentic and humane.

➡ “Shoulding” refers to the practice of imposing expectations, obligations, or judgments on oneself or others, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, opposition, or resentment. This habit can negatively impact mental health, relationships, and communication.

If you would like to eliminate “shoulding” from your conversations, writings, and thoughts, consider using the phrase “might choose to” instead. This alternative promotes a sense of autonomy and flexibility, encouraging individuals to make decisions based on personal values and preferences rather than societal pressures or perceived obligations. By embracing this approach, we can foster healthier, more empowering communication styles and thought patterns.

Some Reasons Why You Might Choose To Pay Attention To My Works

March 26, 2023
Alien tech, Antimatter principle, Article, Business, Capability development, Conversations, Culture change, Customers, Flow•gnosis, Management, Marshall Model, Organisational effectiveness, Prod•gnosis, Product development, Rightshifting, Software development
Leave a comment

Some Reasons Why You Might Choose To Pay Attention To My Works

Hey there! I’m Bob Marshall, the Organisational Psychotherapist, with a passion for helping organisations transform their culture and improve collaboration. If you’re wondering why you might choose to pay attention to my insights, just let me say that my unique approach can bring profound benefits to all kinds of organisations, especially those involving collaborative knowledge work.

My blog at https://lnkd.in/dytkA2A is packed with insights and stories from my five decades of experience. I draw on this experience, including founding Europe’s first 100% Agile software house and heading Falling Blossoms, the world’s first Organisational Psychotherapy provider. My posts highlight the importance of nurturing productive relationships and fostering a people-oriented culture.

One post that stands out is about the Antimatter Principle, which emphasises attending to folks’ needs to create a thriving, collaborative work environment.

Another post discusses Flow•gnosis, an innovative approach to developing software-intensive products and services.

When you read my posts, you’ll also learn from my decades in both technology and business, including roles at Sun Microsystems, and many other organisations, large and small. This deep understanding of the tech landscape allows me to provide invaluable counsel and therapy to ambitious, progressive technology and digital business organisations.

Moreover, those who have worked with me have nothing but praise for my approach and the results it has brought to their organisations. Time and again, I’ve helped clients create a more humane, people-oriented, and productive work environment that has led to outstanding success.

As the author of “Hearts over Diamonds”, “Memeology”, and “Quintessence”, and the originator of Rightshifting and the Marshall Model, my posts regularly and freely share the foundational knowledge that has contribute to the success of so many of my clients. So, if you want to see a real difference in your organisation, don’t miss out on the wisdom and insights shared on my blog, books, white papers, etc.

Join me on this transformative journey towards elevating your organisation’s performance, and also creating a meaningful, fulfilling work environment that nurtures innovation, everyone’s personal growth, and long-lasting success. Get down with the opportunity to be part of a paradigm shift that’s redefining the way businesses thrive!

🔔🔔🔔🔔

Don’t miss out on the latest insights and strategies for transforming your organisation and its culture! If you find this post valuable, make sure to follow me on LinkedIn, and don’t forget to ring the bell 🔔 to receive notifications whenever I share new content. Ready to unlock your organisation’s full potential? Take action now and reach out for a chat, or visit my blog more transformative ideas. Together, let’s embark on this journey towards unprecedented success! 🔔

Unveiling the Power of One: Unlocking Your Human Potential

March 19, 2023
Article, Conversations, Reflections
Leave a comment

Unveiling the Power of One: Unlocking Your Human Potential

💡 Imagine if one idea, one concern, or one reminder could revolutionise your life and propel you, your team, and your organisation towards unprecedented success. The power of one is waiting to be unveiled, and it all begins with a simple yet thought-provoking question. Are you ready to unlock your potential?

➡ Hey there! I have a thought-provoking question that I’d like to share with you, and I’m really curious to hear your thoughts on it. It’s a question that challenges us to think about our priorities, communication, and personal growth. Are you ready for it? Alright, here it is:

“If you could bring just one thing to the attention of your boss, what would that one thing be? And to your team? And to yourself?”

Think about it for a moment. It’s quite an interesting question, isn’t it? I find it fascinating because it invites us to reflect not only on what we’d like to express to others in our workplace, but also on what we need to remind ourselves of. In a way, it’s like having three separate conversations: one with your boss, one with your team, and one with yourself.

When you consider what you’d like to bring to your boss’s attention, it might be an idea, a concern, or some constructive feedback. It’s a valuable opportunity to express something that you believe is essential for the success and growth of your organisation.

As for your team, this could be an opportunity to highlight a shared goal or to emphasise the importance of collaboration and teamwork. It might also be a chance to encourage open communication and the sharing of ideas, fostering a supportive and creative environment.

And lastly, when it comes to yourself, this question prompts introspection. What is that one crucial thing you need to remind yourself of or acknowledge in your life’s journey? It could be a personal goal, a lesson learned, or a reminder of some sort.

So, take a moment to ponder this question, and let’s get a conversation going. I’m eager to hear your insights, and who knows? We might just learn something valuable about ourselves and each other in the process.

Social Media: A Garden of Thorns in a World in Need of Roses

February 5, 2023
Antimatter principle, Article, Conversations, Social media
Leave a comment

Social Media: A Garden of Thorns in a World in Need of Roses

As an ideas artist, philosopher and human being, I lament the state of social media and its impact on our society. Was it ever intended to encourage dialogue and conversation? This is a question that has been on my mind for a long time now, and I feel compelled to express my experiences on the matter.

Social media was originally intended to be a platform for people to share their thoughts and opinions, to connect with others and to create a virtual community. It was supposed to be a space where people could engage in meaningful conversation and exchange ideas. However, over the years, it has transformed into a breeding ground for hatred, division and negativity. The anonymity and distance that social media provides have led people to hide behind their screens and engage in vicious attacks on others.

Instead of fostering meaningful conversations, social media has become a place where people come to judge and criticise others. It has become a space where people can publicly shame and harass, and where the truth is often distorted. People are more concerned with getting likes, comments and shares than with fostering genuine connection and understanding.

Moreover, social media has become a tool for propaganda and manipulation. The algorithms that control what we see on our feeds are designed to keep us engaged, but they also limit our exposure to new ideas and perspectives. The result is that we are trapped in our own echo chambers, only exposed to information that confirms our own biases and beliefs.

This has led to a fragmentation of society, where people are more divided than ever before.

The negative impact of social media on our mental health and well-being is also undeniable. People are becoming more and more obsessed with their online persona, and are constantly comparing themselves to others. The constant exposure to negativity and hate has led to a decline in self-esteem and has increased levels of anxiety and depression.

In conclusion, social media was never intended to encourage dialogue and conversation, but rather to connect people and foster understanding. However, over the years, it has become a platform for negativity, propaganda, and manipulation. It has fragmented our society, and has had a devastating impact on our mental health and well-being. As a society, we need to reclaim social media and transform it into a space where people can engage in meaningful conversations, exchange ideas and foster genuine connection.

Productive Conversations: A Masterclass in Mutuality, Exploration, and Active Listening

January 28, 2023
Article, Conversations, Dialogue
Leave a comment

Productive Conversations: A Masterclass in Mutuality, Exploration, and Active Listening

For all those LinkedIn folks who seem incapable of having productive online conversations…

A productive conversation is one where both parties are actively engaged and working towards creating a common understanding or goal. It involves mutuality, where both parties are willing to share their thoughts and ideas, defer judgement, and actively listen to each other. A productive conversation is not just about one person dominating the conversation, but rather, it’s about exploring a topic together.

One of the key elements of a productive conversation is mutuality. Mutuality suggests a willingness to, cooperate, listen and share thoughts and ideas. It suggests that everyone have a chance to speak , contribute and be heard. It also suggests avoiding interruptions or talking over each other, as this can create tension and make it difficult to have a productive conversation.

Another important aspect of a productive conversation is exploring a topic together. This suggest that all parties stand willing to dig deeper into the topic at hand, rather than just contribute shallow observations or off-hand remarks. This can be achieved by asking open-ended questions, which allow for more in-depth discussion. Additionally, it’s important to avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. Instead, take the time to truly understand each other’s perspective.

Listening with intent to understand rather than just reply is also crucial for a productive conversation. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking about what you’re going to say next, rather than truly listening to what the other person is saying. Active listening involves being fully present and paying attention to what the other people are saying. It also involves acknowledging and validating the other people’s thoughts and feelings. Empathy can help much, here.

Finally, active listening is an essential component of a productive conversation. This means that you are actively engaging with the conversation, rather than just passively listening. This can be achieved by making eye contact, nodding, and, especially, paraphrasing what the other person has said to show that you understand. It also involves being open to feedback and making adjustments to your own communication style, if necessary.

In conclusion, a productive conversation is one where both parties are actively engaged and working towards a common understanding or goal. It involves mutuality, where both parties are willing to share their thoughts and ideas, and actively listen to each other. Additionally, a productive conversation is about exploring a topic together and listening with intent to understand rather than just reply. Active listening is also crucial for a productive conversation. With these elements in mind, you can have a more meaningful and productive conversation.