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Compassion

A World Where the Greater Good Predominates Over Profits

March 16, 2024
Alien tech, Antimatter principle, Article, Business, Collaboration, Community, Compassion, Culture change, Dignity, Economics, Fellowship, History, Joy, Needs, Nonviolence, Organisational effectiveness, Quintessence, Rightshifting, Systems thinking, WhatIf
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A World Where the Greater Good Predominates Over Profits

The Visionary Notion

What if the primary driving force behind commercial and economic endeavors wasn’t the pursuit of profits, but rather benefiting society, the species, Gaia, and the planet? A visionary notion, to be sure, that seems to defy conventional capitalist wisdom. Nevertheless, if we allow our imaginations to roam freely and look back at periods in history where ethical business practices held sway, we can depict a world truly transformed by this paradigm shift.

Profit Motives vs. Ethics and Humanity

Throughout most of human history, the profit motive has reigned supreme in the business realm. However, there have been notable exceptions driven by religious teachings, philosophical movements, and social ideals that prioritised ethical conduct over mere grubby accumulation of more and more wealth. The Quakers, for instance, were renowned for their commitment to honest dealings and consideration of employee welfare, exemplified by the socially-conscious British chocolate makers like Cadbury. The 19th century cooperative movement aimed to create enterprises that equitably shared profits with worker-owners and the local community.

The Beauty of Ethical Business

Would we call businesses truly putting the greater good before profits “beautiful”? At first, such a description may seem like an odd coupling of aesthetics with commerce. But perhaps there is an inherent beauty to enterprises that create sustainable value for society while exhibiting ethical conduct.

Just as we find natural wonders, artistic works, or selfless acts emotionally moving due to their harmony with higher ideals of truth, goodness, and transcendence of ego, so could businesses centered on benefiting all stakeholders embody a different kind of beauty. One not necessarily based on physical appearance, but on being skillfully crafted exemplars of how our economic activities can align with ethical, aesthetic, environmental and humanitarian principles.

This beauty manifests through their products, services, and operations, harmonising with the world rather than undermining it through greed, despoilment, or exploitation. Beautiful businesses are sustainable and circular by design, creating goods to be celebrated and cherished rather than cynically designed for disposability.They invest in creating opportunity and dignity for workers and communities rather than grinding them underfoot for profit margins.

Where today’s shareholder-driven corporations often exemplify grotesque machineries of extraction, ethical enterprises putting people and planet over money could be sublime new exemplars of applied aesthetics – aspiring toward perfection not through profit metrics, but through positively impacting all they engage with. Their beauty would shine through in becoming tightly interwoven threads in an interdependent tapestry, creating joyful, resilient and regenerative systems that elevate our shared potential.

While the traditional business vernacular focuses on the uglyness of lucrative processes, revenue growth, and reputational brand value, a world where ethical enterprises reign would celebrate hallmarks of perfected form: generative models that produce societal good, environmental integrity, attending to folks’ needs, and uplifting the human spirit. Perhaps then, we could appreciate the highest “good companies” not just pragmatically, but aesthetically – as living artworks of conscious, ethical organisation.

A World Oriented Toward the Greater Good

In such a world oriented toward the greater good, companies measure success not just by financial returns, but by positive impacts. Ethical practices like those espoused by certain faith traditions and thinkers are the norm across these industries. Sustainability is prized over short-term gain, with environmental stewardship prioritised over resource exploitation. We’ve seen glimpses of this in recent decades through the rise of corporate social responsibility (CSR), socially conscious investing, and the emergence of benefit corporations legally bound to creating public benefit, not just profits. But such examples have remained the exception rather than the rule in a profit-driven system.

The Global Ethos of the Greater Good

Imagine if this ethos becomes the core operating principle globally. Rather than lobbying for narrow interests, these businesses advocate for the common good. Tax avoidance schemes would be abandoned in a system where contributing one’s fair share is the ethical baseline. Worker rights and equity are vigorously protected, not eroded in pursuit of higher margins. On an individual level, cutthroat workplace could gives way to healthier cooperation, and integration with our personal and community values and family lives. Ethical conduct is rewarded over pure profit-generation at any cost. Kudos is not derived from endless growth metrics, but to positive impacts created for all the Folks That Matter™.

A Sustainable Economic Model

Of course, enterprises still need to generate income to remain viable and reinvest in their social missions. But growth is pursued by creating genuine value for society rather than extracting it. Sustainable, circular economic models replace those premised on endless consumption and planned obsolescence.

A Radical Yet Possible Vision

Such a world may seem naively idealistic to modern sensibilities, conditioned to accept profit as the prime directive. But is it any more far-fetched than an entrenched global system that relentlessly exploits people and finite resources in pursuit of perpetual economic expansion on a finite planet? By orienting business toward the greater good, as past ethical movements have done, we might create an economy that better serves humanity. This may read as a utopian ideal today, but it has been a reality at various points throughout our history. A world where businesses prioritise society over self-interest may not be inevitable, but it is possible if we dare to imagine and build it together.

Do you have even the briefest five minutes to contemplate how things might be different?

Further Reading

Ackoff, R. L. (2011). The aesthetics of work. In Skip Walter’s blog post retrieved from https://skipwalter.net/2011/12/25/russ-ackoff-the-aesthetics-of-work/

Women and the Antimatter Principle

March 12, 2024
Antimatter principle, Article, Business, Compassion, Love, Needs
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Women and the Antimatter Principle

“A man enjoys the happiness he feels, a woman the happiness she gives.”

~ Madame de Rosemonde
from Letter One Hundred and Thirty, Les Liaisons Dangereuse

This insightful quote from Madame de Rosemonde in the classic French novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses highlights a profound truth about the nature of love and human relationships. At its core, love is not about taking or receiving, but about giving. The deepest fulfillment comes not from demanding love and affection from others, but from actively nurturing those around us through empathy, compassion and attending to their needs. And this principle of prioritising others’ needs over narrow self-interest is exemplified in the way many women approach love and relationships.

The Antimatter Principle is the fundamental idea of attending to folks’ needs – putting others’ wellbeing and happiness first through compassion, generosity and nurturing care.

The Feminine Tradition

While both genders are capable of selflessness, tradition has often positioned women as the prime upholders of this radical principle of prioritising others’ needs over our own. From the maternal instinct to subsuming personal ambitions for family, from creating loving homes to knitting together the social fabric, women have long exemplified the art of attending to folks’ needs. It’s the generous aunt welcoming nieces and nephews, the intuitive wife anticipating her husband’s stress, the mother ensuring everyone’s plate is full at the dinner table.

The Source of Joy

In an era of self-absorption, the Antimatter Principle can seem a countercultural relic. An in business, eventhe mention of love can raise hacklesa and foster unease.Yet it is this total devotion to others’ contentment that unlocks true joy and fulfillment, as Madame de Rosemonde suggested. For many women, the deepest wellspring of bliss lies not in being served, but in humble service itself.

The Risks and Rewards

This feminine ethic of radical other-focus can be unstable if unchecked – attending to folks’ needs to the point of self-negation risks dependency and being consumed by the act of giving. But properly balanced, it is a precious fuel source.

The Impact

In our fractured times, reviving the lost feminine way of the Antimatter Principle could be the solution for reweaving tattered social bonds. By recovering the ethic of joyful, unconditional care for others’ needs and happiness, we restore the very matter of love, mutuality and human communion itself.

The True Beauty of Software: Serving Human Needs

March 5, 2024
Alien tech, Antimatter principle, Article, Attendants, Compassion, Empathy, Philosophy, Product development, Software development, Value
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The True Beauty of Software: Serving Human Needs

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.”

~ Thomas Overbury

When pondering what constitutes beautiful software, we might choose to look beyond the mere lines of code on the screen. For genuine beauty in software arises not from technical excellence, but from the extent to which it genuinely serves and aligns with the needs of human beings.

A Deeper Beauty

On the surface, we may admire software having clean, elegant code structure, adhering to best practices and exhibiting visual appeal. But the ancient philosophers taught that true beauty must run deeper than superficial appearances. For software, this deeper beauty emanates from how effectively it enhances human capabilities and experiences in the real world.

Power to Elevate

Well-designed software represents the harmonious weaving of digital capabilities with human need. Just as great art inspires by achieving a personal expression of universal themes, so does beautiful software illuminate core human needs through its delivery of cohesive, purposeful functionality. It allows us to appreciate software’s power to elevate and augment our existence.

Like the Romantic poets extolled, beautiful software can facilitate a transcendent union with something greater than ourselves. When developing with insight into human needs, programmers experience a state of flow, bridging the worlds of bits and people until there is no division between the created software and those it benefits. We become co-creators, using our skills to help bring into being solutions which empower.

Resonant

At the same time, beautiful software must resonate with the depth of human experience. As Buddhist wisdom teaches, true beauty arises through mindfulness, ethical conduct, and pacification of the ego. In beautiful software, we find the development team’s consciousness – their thoughtfulness in attending to folks’ needs, their restraint in avoiding the unneeded, their core values embodied in the system’s behaviours.

Inner Light

Moreover, beautiful software exhibits an inner light not of technical correctness, but of purpose – solving real human needs with clarity and compassion. Its beauty transcends being well-crafted to also being virtuous, ethical and generous in spirit. For its core purpose is selfless service to humanity.

Conclusion

So while we may appreciate the external trappings of high-quality software, true beauty runs deeper – into how well it elevates human potential and adapts seamlessly into the real needs of peoples’ lives. For therein lies the highest achievement, to create not just products, but solutions that illuminate, attend to, and empower the human condition.

A Saner Humanity

March 1, 2024
Alien tech, Article, Compassion, Psychotherapy
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A Saner Humanity

“The condition of alienation, of being asleep, of being unconscious, of being out of one’s mind, is the condition of the normal man. Society highly values its normal man. It educates children to lose themselves and to become absurd, and thus to be normal. Normal men have killed perhaps 100,000,000 of their fellow normal men in the last fifty years”

wrote psychiatrist R.D. Laing* back in 1967. His words cut to the core of modern society. We have normalised insanity – numbing ourselves to the absurdity around us and within us.

And what is this absurdity? It is the mindset that allows us to go about our days oblivious to the harm we inflict on ourselves, on others and on the planet. That lets corporations prioritise profits over people and presidents sanction wars in distant lands. It is the tendency of “normal” folks to follow orders and not question what’s going on.

The result? Suffering on a colossal scale. Over 100 million lives lost in wars over the last century. Millions more struggling with poverty, oppression or mental anguish. And now, climate catastrophe looming, seemingly unheeded.

Healing this insanity in humanity starts with awareness. Once we wake up from the slumber of conformity and see our society’s sickness clearly, our priorities begin to shift.

The next step is fixing our broken systems. Our companies, governments and institutions shape society’s norms – and are shaped by them. Transforming them is key to creating positive change. Employee-owned businesses focus on worker dignity and joy over profits. Progressive groups across the world are anchoring policy in ethics, not ideology. Reform movements centered on wisdom and compassion are gaining momentum.

At the individual level too, we can choose to nurture sanity by cultivating presence of mind. Turning our attention inwards, taming our egoistic tendencies and consciously spreading goodwill. Spiritual practices like meditation help us become less reactive and more response-able.

The challenges today seem daunting. But together, we can build a world where care, justice and sustainability are the new normal. As we each walk the path towards inner freedom from fear and delusion, our collective consciousness grows saner. May more of us wake up from this absurd nightmare so we can co-create the beautiful dream.

Will you join me?

* R.D. Laing (1927-1989) was an unconventional Scottish psychiatrist who radically challenged the medical model of psychiatry in the 1960s-70s. Deeply critical of diagnosis and medication, Laing viewed madness as an existential crisis rather than illness. He founded communal centers applying alternative therapies for healing over labeling. Articulated in books like The Divided Self, his controversial ideas on mental distress as an introspective process rather than biological disease created lasting impact. Laing catalysed more humanistic attitudes in mental healthcare.

Further Reading

Laing, R.D. (1967). The politics of experience and the bird of paradise. Penguin.

That Weird Feeling When Someone Attends to Your Needs

February 29, 2024
Antimatter principle, Article, Attendants, Community, Compassion, Culture change, Empathy, Needs, Organisational Therapy, Psychology, Relationships
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That Weird Feeling When Someone Attends to Your Needs

There is often subtle unease or vulnerability when another person identifies and attends to your emotional or practical needs before you ask. Even as they are attending to you, why might you feel strangely rattled or intruded upon by having your underlying feelings anticipated and met in this way?

Expectations

Part of the strangeness seems to be linked to our expectations around emotional autonomy in relationships. It might be because we assume we must self-manage feelings, not burden others unprompted, and disguise any weakness. So when someone sees through our façades and reaches out with support, it can feel jarringly unfamiliar. There is awkwardness adjusting to a new way of relating where masking distress is no longer accepted or expected.

Self-Image

Additionally, admitting needs may endanger our own resourcefulness or positive self-image. To remain strong and unaffected is easier than acknowledging where we genuinely need empathy or assistance. Conceding our emotional gaps confronts us with difficult realities about ourselves. Having someone respond caringly can dredge up shame before that nurturing registers as comfort. It takes time to overcome our reflexive impulse to deny needs that contradict the identities we aspire to.

Psychological Safety

Beneath the discomfort may also lurk trust issues around vulnerability. Emotions expose our innermost selves. Letting someone in to perceive and attend to that sensitive dimension means lowering barriers and giving up some degree of control. Psychologically, it signals dependence on their benevolence versus total self-sufficiency. With support inevitably comes some loss of authority over how we might want to be perceived. Even caring assistance can seem invasive before safety takes root.

While emotional caretaking intends to heal and bond, the path to welcoming nurture over isolation is not always smooth or instant. The vulnerability of relinquishing façades, acknowledging needs, and opening up to help all disrupt our status quo. By naming these sources of weirdness, perhaps the tensions around receiving compassionate support become less of a bewildering hurdle. Gradually, we learn to receive grace and attend to one another’s emotions without threatening inner resolve or identity. The discomfort slowly fades as emotional interdependence replaces sole self-reliance.

Summary

In essence, the discomfort we may feel when someone attends to our emotional needs often stems from unfamiliarity with true interdependence, unwillingness to show vulnerability, and a cultural overemphasis on extreme self-reliance. We expect to conceal any weakness, deny needing support, and handle distress alone without imposing on others. So when another person perceptively senses unvoiced feelings and reaches out to care for our inner experiences, it can feel weirdly intrusive. Even compassionate emotional caretaking jars notions of autonomy and challenges our reflexes to hide perceived flaws or shortcomings behind façade of capability. Yet suppressing needs creates isolation, and makes it so much more likely our needs will go unmet. Perhaps by better understanding the common strangeness behind receiving others’ attention, we can grow into truer communities where attending to one another’s unspoken needs and hopes is simply what love requires.

You May Find This Disconcerting

February 27, 2024
Antimatter principle, Article, Attendants, Caring, Compassion, Conversations, Organisational Therapy
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You May Find This Disconcerting

Organisational psychotherapists have an unusual approach to helping people that some might find quite disconcerting. When advising on jobs, relationships, or life decisions, we don’t just take requests at face value. Instead, we dig deeper using the Antimatter Principle.

The goal is to aid people in surfacing the hidden motivations underlying what people say they need. We often ask “Why?” to expose emotional needs and deeper values driving behaviour. And admittedly this persistent probing makes many uncomfortable, at least initially.

We find ourselves constantly asking “Why?” Not just once, but repetitively, until our clients get to the heart of the matter. We’re looking for folks to understand their underlying motivations – the fundamental emotional, psychological or values-based drivers behind their stated wants and requests.

For example, say someone asks for advice on finding a new job with better pay. We could just look at open positions and salaries, making recommendations based on those factors.

But instead, we might ask “Why?” in an attempt to surface their assumptyions and beliefs, and to help them uncover their motivations.

Perhaps they want higher pay because they feel unappreciated in their work. Maybe it’s about financing kids’ education. Or it could be dreaming of a new house. There may even be a desire to boost self-esteem or a sense of self-worth tied to income level.

These motivations are powerful drivers of the stated need. Ttruly helping people requires understanding those underlying emotional needs and values behind the surface-level request.

So we might continue asking “Why?” until their motivation reveals itself to them. With that understanding, we’re able to reflect on jobs or other solutions that may work far better than just chasing higher pay. We uncover approaches that align with their deepest needs, not just the transactional request.

Clearly, repetitively asking “Why?” in attempts to unearth hidden motivations is an unusual approach. And yes, some may understandably find this probing style uncomfortable or disconcerting at first. (Clean Language can help)

But time and again I’ve seen the aha moments this approach delivers as people’s motivations come to the surface. And it’s helped friends, family and clients find outcomes better tailored to their previously unstated and unconcious needs.

That ability to uncover and serve people’s underlying emotional drivers we call the Antimatter Principle. These hidden motivations power much of human behavior. Bringing them to the surface releases energy capable of transforming outcomes in positive ways.

So if in working with an organisational psychotherapist you ever feel we’re responding oddly or asking too many follow-up “Why’s,” this principle likely explains it. We simply believe that to truly help people, we must do the work of supporting the discovery of their deeper motivations and needs.

The Humanity at the Heart of Organisational Psychotherapy

January 24, 2024
Article, Compassion, Culture change, Organisational Therapy, Quintessence
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The Humanity at the Heart of Organisational Psychotherapy

Organisations are made up of people – complex human beings with emotions, dreams, fears, and relationships. Yet somehow, when we walk through the office doors each morning, we are expected to check our humanity at the door. The ostensible focus becomes targets, metrics, shareholder value – losing sight of the humans behind it all. (But also see: Your REAL Job).

Organisational Psychotherapy seeks to rebalance this by putting the person back at the centre of the workplace. Through simple techniques grounded in psychotherapeutic theory, it aims to create more humane organisational dynamics where staff can bring their whole selves to work.

Key Principles

Some of the key principles include:

  • Attending to folks’ needs (the Antimatter Principle)
  • Containment – providing a safe space for employees to process difficult emotions so they do not spill out destructively. Managers should offer non-judgemental listening and support.
  • Reflexivity – encouraging individuals and teams to reflect on their own behaviours and dynamics before making changes. This avoids knee-jerk reactions and promotes sustainability.
  • Role clarity – clearly defining responsibilities so no one feels asked to fulfil impossible expectations. This reduces anxiety and burnout.
  • The “good enough” organisation – perfection is impossible with human beings. Organisational Psychotherapy advocates aiming for “good enough” -and clearly stated – standards that make space for people to be fallible. This means focusing less on rigid metrics and idealised goals, and more on sustainable ways of working that protect staff health and wellbeing in an imperfect world. There is recognition that some days we can give 100%, while on others our energy and focus may falter – and both scenarios can be met with compassion rather than criticism.

Heart

At the heart of all of this is compassion – for ourselves and each other. Workplace stress often stems from a lack of self-compassion, driving harsh inner critics and causing us to lose touch with out humanity and the humanity of those around us. Creating work cultures built on mutual understanding and caring allows our organisations to more ethically support both staff and customers.

Organisational Psychotherapy Memes

The power of Organisational Psychotherapy memes speaks volumes about how desperately many organisations need more humane dynamics centred on understanding people. No matter how slick our processes, how smart our tech – an organisation relies on its people. Workers and managers alike deserve compassionate spaces where they can bring their authentic, complex, perfectly-imperfect selves to the table every day.

Further Reading

Trzeciak, S., & Mazzarelli, A. (2019). Compassionomics: The revolutionary scientific evidence that caring makes a difference. Studer Group LLC.

Marshall, R.W. (2021, December). Quintessence: An acme for software development organisations.

What is “Caring”?

January 2, 2024
Antimatter principle, Article, Attendants, Caring, Compassion, Culture change, Empathy
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What is “Caring”?

In a world that seems more divided and impersonal each day, it’s easy to lose sight of what it really means to care for one another. But what does it truly mean to care?

At its core, caring is about attending to the needs of others with compassion. Caring people make an effort to understand what others need to live joyful, fulfilling lives. They seek to support people emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Their acts of caring may be large or small – from listening patiently to a friend in need to volunteering at a homeless shelter. But in all cases, caring stems from a genuine concern for the welfare of fellow human beings.

In their book Compassionomics, economists Stephen Trzeciak and Anthony Mazzarelli provide copper-bottomed evidence that caring produces tangible benefits both for givers and receivers alike. Studies show that people who volunteer tend to be healthier and live longer. Compassion training in schools reduces violence and bullying. Caring healthcare professionals have patients with better outcomes. And people who feel cared for are more resilient in the face of trauma and stress. In study after study, caring proves critical for individual and collective wellbeing.

Of course, caring can be challenging. It requires generosity, sacrifice, and emotional intelligence. There are times we must care for people we find difficult. And earnest caring always involves some risk – the risk of rejection, disappointment or loss. But as Trzeciak and Mazzarelli explain, these risks pale next to the regrets of a life spent without meaningful caring connections.

In the end, caring is not about sympathy cards or grand gestures. It is about small acts of service and support, performed consistently and sincerely. Caring is embracing our shared humanity. It is a commitment to be present and helpful in the lives of others. And it is ultimately the bond that enables human flourishing even in hard times.

Is caring important to you? Does giving and receiving of compassion feature in your life? Perhaps if we can recover the simple art of caring for one another, some of the discord in our society will dissipate, leaving more space for the ties that truly matter.

Corporates Suck: A Personal Take

October 12, 2023
Article, Business, Compassion, Culture change, Joy, Lamentation, Management, Organisational effectiveness, Organisational Therapy, Psychology
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Corporates Suck: A Personal Take

What Happened to the Thrill?

When I first started working with computers, I revelled in the challenges and the opportunities for learning. The sense of accomplishment and the thrill of solving complex problems were genuinely exhilarating.

And to Employee Happiness?

However, my initial enthusiasm took a nosedive when I rubbed up against the corporate world. What caused this transformation? Many argue that the corporate environment has a knack for leaching joy, replacing it with turgid egocentric managers intent on feathering their own nests at everyone else’s expense.

What’s Wrong with Corporate Culture?

In corporates, the methods used to assess and drive performance often benefit these self-serving managers rather than the well-being of the workforce as a whole. Indeed, even the very pursuit of “performance” is a theatre of fiction.

Does Autonomy Matter?

The absence of autonomy in a hierarchical corporate structure further dampens the spirit. Employees lose the joy that comes from freedom and independent decision-making, turning work into a mere series of tasks.

Autonomy often serves as a cornerstone for employee happiness. The freedom to make decisions, solve problems and contribute ideas fosters a sense of ownership and, by extension, joy. But is autonomy a valued principle in the corporate world? Unfortunately, more often than not, the answer is no.

Corporate structures frequently operate within rigid hierarchies where decision-making power is concentrated at the top. Managers assign tasks and set directives, leaving little room for employees to exercise autonomy. This top-down approach not only diminishes individual contributions but also robs employees of the satisfaction derived from autonomous action.

Furthermore, when employees feel that their role is reduced to following orders, engagement plummets. The absence of autonomy turns day-to-day tasks into a checklist to be ticked off rather than a series of meaningful contributions. This lack of freedom directly contradicts the human desire for autonomy, leading to disengagement and, ultimately, a less joyful workplace.

So, does autonomy matter? Unquestionably. Granting employees a degree of autonomy can reignite the sputtering fires of joy and engagement, leading to a more productive and happier workforce. Corporates that recognise the value of autonomy take a significant step towards restoring the joy so often missing from the workplace.

Does Mastery Matter?

Mastery, or the drive to become proficient in a skill or field, can be a significant source of joy for many. But does it hold any water in the corporate setting? Unfortunately, the pursuit of mastery often takes a back seat in corporates, sidelined by short-term goals and immediate deliverables. The emphasis on quick wins and immediate results eclipses the long-term satisfaction that comes from mastering a skill or a domain.

Furthermore, the race for promotions and recognition can dilute the pure joy of mastery. Instead of gaining proficiency for the sheer pleasure of it, skills development turns into a competitive sprint, dictated by performance evaluations and peer comparisons.

So yes, mastery does matter, but it’s often undervalued or even ignored in the corporate world. Recognising the importance of mastery could be a step towards reintroducing joy into the workplace, benefiting not just the employees but also contributing to a more skilled and engaged workforce.

Does Shared Purpose Matter?

Shared purpose can be a potent catalyst for workplace joy. When employees feel they are part of something bigger than themselves, motivation and satisfaction often follow. But how well does this concept fare in the corporate landscape? Generally, not as well as it could or should.

In many corporates, the overarching goal is clear: increase shareholder value. While this aim is valid from a business perspective, it rarely stokes the fires of individual passion or a collective sense of purpose. Employees find themselves working to benefit a distant, often faceless, group of stakeholders rather than contributing to a cause that has personal or societal meaning.

Moreover, when managerial focus is primarily on self-advancement or departmental targets, the notion of a shared purpose becomes fractured. Employees start to feel disconnected from the mission of the organisation, contributing further to the drain of joy and satisfaction.

So, does shared purpose matter? Absolutely. A unified goal not only brings people together but also instills a sense of meaning in daily tasks. To reignite the lost joy, corporates should look beyond mere profits and metrics, weaving a tapestry of shared purpose that each employee can contribute to and feel proud of.

Is Work-Life Balance a Myth?

Promises of work-life balance often remain unfulfilled. With no clear boundaries, employees experience burnout, which contributes to a cycle of joylessness.

The term “work-life balance” is bandied about in corporate circles, regularly cited as a perk or aspiration within companies. But how often is this balance truly achieved? Regrettably, it’s way more espoused than actual in many corporate settings.

In the push for self-aggrandisement and personal wellbeing of executives and senior manager, work demands often spill over into personal time. Employees find themselves tethered to their jobs through smartphones and laptops, blurring the lines between work and life. The upshot is a skewed balance that leans heavily towards work, pushing personal time and activities to the fringes.

This lopsided equation isn’t just detrimental to personal lives; it also drains the joy out of work itself. When employees can’t switch off, the chance for relaxation and rejuvenation dwindles, leading to increased stress and burnout. The absence of real work-life balance adversely affects not just individual well-being but also overall job satisfaction.

So, is work-life balance a myth? In many corporates, unfortunately, yes. But it doesn’t have to be. Companies that genuinely commit to work-life balance as a tangible practice rather than a buzzword can contribute to a more joyful, engaged workforce. Maybe enlightened corporates might choose to stop paying lip service to work-life balance and start making it a lived reality for their employees.

What About Personal Growth?

Corporates typically offer limited scope for personal growth. Focused on role-specific skills, companies overlook the broader aspects of development, reducing the job to a set of mundane activities rather than a platform for holistic growth.

Personal growth is a factor that contributes to an individual’s overall sense of happiness and well-being. However, its role in the corporate setting is often underemphasised, overshadowed by the focus on immediate performance indicators.

Companies frequently provide training and development opportunities, but these are usually confined to vain attempts to moderate behaviours, or on improving skills that directly benefit the organisation. This approach tends to neglect broader aspects of an individual’s personal and professional development. The result is a narrowed scope for growth that pertains solely to the job at hand, leaving little room for the nourishment of other facets like emotional intelligence, leadership qualities, or even hobbies and interests that can enrich lives.

The absence of opportunities for holistic personal growth can lead to stagnation. Employees may find that their roles become monotonous and unfulfilling, devoid of the challenges and learning experiences that bring joy and meaning to work.

So, what about personal growth? It’s crucial but often overlooked in the corporate agenda. A shift towards including personal development as a core part of employee growth can make work more fulfilling and joyous. After all, an individual is more than the sum of their job-related skills, and recognising this can be a step towards creating a more joyful and engaged workforce.

A Pit of Despair

In my own experience, the joy I initially found in computer-related challenges has descended into a pit of despair when involved with corporates. What was once a playground of innovation and problem-solving has for many become a bland, monotonous treadmill of routine. The constant grind, coupled with the absence of creativity and personal growth, transforms work into something far less fulfilling than it could be.

This despair isn’t just a personal anecdote but a sentiment that resonates with many who find themselves caught in the corporate machinery. The mental toll this takes is widely underestimated. Over time, the absence of joy and fulfilment leads to a range of problems, from decreased productivity to more serious issues like burnout and serious mental health concerns.

The “pit of despair” isn’t merely a dramatic term; it’s a reality for many. When a workplace fails to nourish the human aspects that make life worthwhile, it risks creating an environment where despair thrives. Therefore, addressing the factors that contribute to this state is not just an individual necessity but also a corporate imperative.

Can Corporates Change?

It’s not all doom and gloom. With a shift in focus, companies can recalibrate their methods to foster a more human-centric approach, aiming for a win-win scenario where both profits and joy can coexist.

Final Thoughts

Corporates don’t have to be joy-draining monoliths. By reevaluating the way they operate, these institutions can not only better their performance but also enhance the lives of the people who make that performance possible.

Talking About Needs?

October 4, 2023
Antimatter principle, Article, Caring, Compassion, Empathy, Fellowship, Psychology, Relationships
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Talking About Needs?

Life can be a labyrinth of responsibilities, expectations, and emotions. Amidst the maze, it’s easy to lose sight of folks’ fundamental unattended-to needs. Or even that people have more wonderful lives when their needs receive attention – from e.g. friends, family, employers and coworkers.

Broaching these questions with a close friend could be your mutual ticket to helping each other have more wonderful and satisfying lives:

  1. “What Are The Things – If Any – You’d Like to Have Happen (that aren’t happening yet)?”
    Discussing desires and aspirations that haven’t yet come to fruition can open up new possibilities for growth and satisfaction. It could even illuminate areas where friends, etc., can support each other to make life more wonderful.
  2. “What Gives You the Sense That Something Is Missing?”
    This sensation of something being amiss is not uncommon. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece; you can see the overall picture, but in some way it’s incomplete.
  3. “What Differences Do You Notice Between Your Current Life and Something Better?”
    Here’s an opportunity for reflection. There’s often a discrepancy between our lived experiences and our ideal lives. Acknowledging this disparity might help in closing the gap.
  4. “What Needs Haven’t You Shared Out Loud?”
    We all have those unspoken wishes—perhaps because they seem too foolish or unreachable. Yet, acknowledging these can be the first step toward addressing unmet needs or goals.
  5. “What Haven’t You Done Yet?”
    Procrastination, or even just life getting in the way, can keep us from pursuing things we’re passionate about. What’s on your list of ‘somedays’ that you might turn into ‘todays’?
  6. “What Makes You Feel Understood or Misunderstood?”
    The emotional nourishment that comes from being understood is a fundamental human need. If it’s missing, that’s something worth exploring further.
  7. “What Topics Find You Changing the Subject?”
    Sometimes avoidance is the best indicator of significance. Those undiscussable topics or issues you’re sidestepping? They could be precisely where attention is most needed.
  8. “How Do You Feel When You Have to Say No?”
    The difficulty in setting boundaries is often symptomatic of deeper, unattended needs. If you find it challenging to say no, this might be an area worth investigating.
  9. “Where in Your Life Do You Feel Like You’re on Autopilot?”
    Routine can offer comfort, but it can also veil unmet needs. If you find areas of your life running on autopilot, it could be a sign to probe deeper.
  10. “What Emotions Do You Find Yourself Keeping in Check, or Burying?”
    Society often prescribes what emotions are acceptable, causing us to suppress those that aren’t. These suppressed emotions could point to neglected needs or aspects of oneself.

Discussing these questions may not offer quick fixes, but they can pave the way for deeper and more rewarding connections with others. Of course, this all hinges on genuine concern for the people you’re conversing with. Without empathy and compassion, these conversations are vacuous at best.

The Tough Reality of Making Lives More Wonderful

September 17, 2023
Advice sought, Antimatter principle, Article, Caring, Compassion, Nonviolent Communication, Psychology, Relationships, Therapy, Wonder
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The Tough Reality of Making Lives More Wonderful

Why is Helping People So Hard?

I’ve dedicated three decades to pursuing a vocation of helping people. Although the need for help is often evident, the willingness to accept it is far less common. This dissonance creates a nuanced and sometimes difficult environment in which to operate. The challenge lies not only in the provision of help but also in the varying levels of receptivity I encounter.

Why Don’t People Want Help?

On the surface, the equation should be simple: as a general rule, people have needs, and I support them in finding their own solutions. However, in my years of experience, I’ve found that most individuals aren’t actually seeking help, even when they could benefit from it. There’s a persistent gap between the need for assistance and the willingness to engage with it. This chasm often converts what should be a straightforward transaction into an intricate dance, requiring careful and compassionate relationship building.

What Keeps Them From Asking For Help?

The reluctance to seek help is a convoluted issue involving various emotional and psychological elements. Among these are:

  • Caution: A fundamental wariness often deters people from exposing their vulnerabilities. Opening up to someone else—especially a relative stranger—requires a leap of faith that many find daunting.
  • Pride: The ego can be a significant obstacle. Admitting the need for help can feel like admitting defeat or incompetence, and pride can get in the way of taking that step.
  • Shame: Some people feel that asking for help highlights their inadequacies and failures, making them less worthy in their eyes or the eyes of others.
  • Guilt: There’s often a sense that one should be able to manage on one’s own and that needing help is a sign of weakness or failure. This guilt can suppress the act of reaching out.
  • Fear: The fear of being judged or stigmatised for needing help can be paralysing. It can deter people from seeking assistance even when they genuinely require it.

Additionally, societal norms, which frequently penalise vulnerability and appearing “needy”, serve as another layer of hindrance. This creates an environment where needs go unexpressed, which, in turn, increases the complexity of helping. Helping then requires detective work, identifying hidden needs, and diplomace, navigating sensitive emotional terrains.

Why Can’t People Accept Help?

Even when the stars align and an offer of help coincides with a recognised need, the final hurdle of acceptance remains. The act of accepting help exposes vulnerabilities and can trigger fears of indebtedness or losing autonomy. As such, this step often presents its own unique set of challenges. It necessitates a nuanced understanding of individual psychologies and social dynamics, to ensure that well-intended aid is not just offered but also accepted. Those in the medical professions have long understood the gulf between capability and getting patients to follow treatment regimens (Adherence).

Even when a need is acknowledged and help is readily available, accepting that help is another obstacle entirely. The complexities associated with this final step are multilayered:

  • Exposure of Vulnerability: Accepting help usually necessitates revealing weaknesses or inadequacies, which many find deeply uncomfortable.
  • Fear of Indebtedness: Accepting someone’s assistance often comes with the implicit or explicit expectation of reciprocity, which can create pressure and stress.
  • Loss of Autonomy: Some fear that accepting help means ceding control, undermining their sense of independence or self-sufficiency.
  • Negative past experiences: Many people may have experienced being “helped” in the past, with associated negative experiences.

It’s worth noting that this struggle with acceptance is also common in fields like medicine. There, practitioners have long grappled with the difference between having the ability to treat a condition and getting patients to adhere to the necessary protocols.

Therefore, to ensure that help is both offered and accepted, a deep understanding of individual and group psychology and broader social dynamics is essential. It involves a balanced, nuanced approach that considers both the rational and emotional dimensions of human behaviour.

How Can We Adapt to These Challenges?

Over the years, I’ve realised that adaptability is key. Each person is a unique confluence of needs, fears, and social conditioning, requiring an equally unique approach. Employing a blend of empathy, patience, and non-judgment allows us to better navigate the various obstacles that arise in the helping process. This tailored approach aims to dismantle some of the barriers people erect, making it easier for them to both access and accept the help they need.

To sum up, helping people is far from easy, but the complexities make it all the more important. And the outcomes make it so worthwhile. The disconnect between needing and accepting help isn’t a shortcoming but rather a complex interplay of human factors that we must skillfully navigate. The challenges are significant but so too are the rewards for everyone involved.

Summary

Recently, I’ve found it useful to refine my focus within the broad panorama of “helping people.” After decades of navigating the complexities of human needs and resistance, I’ve refocussed my attention on “making lives more wonderful.” This compelling phrase, originally coined by Marshall Rosenberg in the context of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), succinctly conveys a more targeted, positive approach. It not only gels with my longstanding vocation but also addresses the crux of what most people truly desire, even if they can’t articulate it. By focusing on making lives more wonderful, I’m better prepared to handle the challenges that come with helping people. That makes my life more wonderful, too. And I could really use your help in that. 🙂

Positive Relationships and Collaborative Knowledge Work

September 6, 2023
Antimatter principle, Article, Caring, Collaboration, Compassion, Fellowship, Management, Organisational effectiveness, Product development, Relationships, Software development
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Positive Relationships and Collaborative Knowledge Work

Why Relationships Matter in Collaborative Settings

In sectors such as software development, and management, where collaborative knowledge work is the norm, the quality of relationships isn’t just a social nicety—it’s a business imperative. Positive interpersonal connections amplify collective intelligence, increase productivity, and enhance the overall quality of work. In contrast, strained relationships lead to communication breakdowns, reduced morale, and compromised results. Hence, any team that aims for excellence might choose to focus, at least in part, on fostering positive relationships.

The Heart of the Matter: Caring Deeply

Before diving into the nuts and bolts of relationship building, it’s important to highlight a fundamental principle: genuine care for those with whom you’re working. In the context of collaborative knowledge work like software development, or management, compassion might not be the first thing that comes to mind. However, a deep sense of care and understanding for your fellows is what turns a group of individuals into a cohesive unit. Compassion fosters a supportive environment where people feel valued, not just for their technical skills but for who they are as individuals. This, in turn, leads to a sense of shared purpose and mutual respect, driving the team to higher levels of achievement.

For those sceptical about the role of compassion in a professional setting, the book “Compassionomics” provides compelling evidence. It delves into the science behind compassion and demonstrates how this emotional intelligence skill significantly impacts relationship building and, ultimately, success.

Having set the stage with the importance of deep care and compassion, let’s delve into the specific strategies to build and maintain positive relationships in collaborative settings.

Master the Art of Listening

Listening is more than just a passive act; it’s an active skill. This is especially crucial in collaborative knowledge work where understanding each other is key to solving complex challenges. Effective listening reveals not only what team members are saying but also what they’re thinking or possibly avoiding saying. Technical teams and management teams may choose to regard this deeper level of communication as critical for addressing challenges and finding solutions collaboratively.

Cultivate Self-Awareness

In a team setting, knowing oneself is as vital as knowing one’s craft. Being aware of one’s own strengths, weaknesses, and emotional responses can help navigate team dynamics more effectively. This level of insight allows one to contribute where most effective, and defer when deferral plays to someone else’s strengths.

Uphold Respect as a Core Value

In any collaborative effort, people bring a diverse set of skills and perspectives to the table. The concept of respect goes beyond mere tolerance of this diversity; it involves valuing and leveraging these different skills and viewpoints to enrich the project. In software development, where cross-functional teams often collaborate, respecting different disciplines—be it engineering, UX design, or quality assurance—is vital for project success.

Make Room for Personal Space

Even in high-stakes environments, it’s crucial to understand that everyone needs space to operate effectively. Overcrowding can lead to burnout, reduced productivity, and deteriorated relationship quality. Allowing for ‘breathing room’ can also offer team members the chance for independent thought, which they can later bring back to enrich the collective effort.

Be Consistent in Communication

Effective communication is a key element of successful relationship building. In a fast-paced, deadline-driven setting, regular check-ins can be the lifeline that keeps projects on track. This doesn’t just mean status updates, but also sharing feedback, insights, and even acknowledging small wins. It keeps everyone aligned on goals and expectations, reducing the room for misunderstandings or conflict.

Embrace Adaptability

The nature of collaborative knowledge work, particularly in tech, is dynamic. Flexibility and willingness to adapt are not just desirable traits but beneficial practices for maintaining positive relationships amidst change.

Summary

In collaborative knowledge work, the importance of maintaining positive relationships is amplified due to its direct impact on productivity and outcomes. By incorporating principles like effective listening, self-awareness, respect, personal space, consistent communication, and adaptability, you can lay down a robust foundation for a successful collaborative environment.

Further Reading

Trzeciak, S., & Mazzarelli, A. (2019). Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence that Caring Makes a Difference. Studer Group.

Needsocracy: A Paradigm Shift from Merit to Need

August 18, 2023
Alien tech, Antimatter principle, Article, Business, Caring, Community, Compassion, Culture change, Deming, Paradigm shifts, Quintessence
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Needsocracy: A Paradigm Shift from Merit to Need

In an age of ostensible progress and societal evolution, we frequently find ourselves questioning systems that were once held as paragons of fairness. One such system, the meritocracy, is increasingly under scrutiny. Heralded as the gold standard of societal organization, where power and resources are awarded based on individual talent and achievement, meritocracy is now facing a formidable challenger: Needsocracy.

In a rapidly changing world where the definitions of success and progress are constantly evolving, a new concept is slowly emerging from the shadows: Needsocracy. At its core, it challenges our traditional meritocratic systems by positing that positions of power, responsibility, and resources be earned based on needs rather than merit. But what does this really mean, and how might it change the world as we know it?

Understanding Meritocracy

To grasp the implications of Needsocracy, it’s essential to understand its antecedent – Meritocracy. Rooted in the belief that power and resources should be awarded to individuals based on talent, effort, and achievement, Meritocracy has long been hailed as the fairest system of distribution. By prioritizing competence and hard work, it promises a level playing field where everyone has an equal opportunity to rise to the top based on their merit.

The Shortcomings of Meritocracy

While meritocracy has its strengths, it isn’t without its criticisms. Critics argue that:

  1. A Pretense of Equality: Meritocracy peddles the illusion of a level playing field, where success is solely a result of hard work and talent. But, in reality, initial conditions, family background, and sheer luck often play a larger role in individual success than merit.
  2. Perpetuating Privilege: Far from being the ultimate fair system, meritocracy often serves to perpetuate privilege. The well-connected get better opportunities, the rich have access to better education, and thus the cycle continues.
  3. The Relentless Grind: Meritocracy promotes an unhealthy obsession with perpetual achievement. It glorifies overwork, leading to burnout, mental health challenges, and a society where the worth of an individual is reduced to their output.
  4. Overemphasis on Competition: This often leads to societal stress, mental health challenges, and at times, a ruthless pursuit of success at the expense of ethics and interpersonal relationships.
  5. Ignoring the System: Meriticracy, grounded as it is in the merits of the individual, ignores “Deming’s 95:5” – the fact that some 95% of an individual’s contributions are dictated by the system (the way the work works) and only some 5% by the merits of the individual.

Enter Needsocracy

Needsocracy flips the script by arguing that societal roles and resources should be distributed based on the needs of individuals and communities. Here’s what that might look like:

  1. Prioritising Humanity: Instead of an endless race to the top, Needsocracy encourages society to cater to the basic human needs of its members, promoting overall well-being.
  2. True Representation: Under Needsocracy, leadership and responsibility would be entrusted to those who genuinely understand and represent societal needs. No longer would decisions be made by those detached from ground realities.
  3. Resource Allocation: Resources would be allocated to those who need them the most, whether it’s in the form of financial assistance, access to education, or healthcare. The goal is to create a foundation from which everyone can achieve their potential.
  4. Power & Responsibility: In a Needsocratic system, positions of power will be occupied by those who represent the most pressing needs of society. For instance, if a community faces a severe water crisis, leadership positions will be occupied by individuals directly affected by this challenge, ensuring that those with firsthand experience are making the decisions.
  5. Collaborative Over Competitive: By focusing on needs, society will transition from a competitive model to a more collaborative one. The success of one individual would be seen in the context of the well-being of the community.

Benefits of Needsocracy

  1. Inclusive Growth: Needsocracy has the potential to level the playing field and ensure that marginalized communities get a fair share of resources and representation.
  2. Holistic Development: By focusing on needs, we can address systemic challenges and root causes, leading to more sustainable solutions.

Challenges Ahead

The shift from Meritocracy to Needsocracy won’t be easy. Defining ‘need’ objectively, ensuring transparency, and avoiding misuse are just a few challenges. Moreover, balancing individual aspirations with societal needs will be a complex task. Societies already grounded in catering to cummunal needs – like the Chinese – may find the transition easier.

Summary

Let’s question long-held beliefs and systems. Meritocracy, once believed to be the epitome of fairness, now stands exposed with its flaws. Needsocracy offers a compelling alternative, urging us to consider a society that genuinely serves its people rather than creating hollow hierarchies.

Needsocracy offers a fresh perspective on how we might structure societies – and businesses, societies in microcosm – for the betterment of all. While it’s still an emerging concept, its potential to usher in a more inclusive, equitable, and holistic era of development is undeniable. As with all societal shifts, the journey to Needsocracy will require debate, experimentation, and evolution. But as we look to the future, perhaps it’s time to reject merit as the determinant of our worth and place in society.

Cultivating a Wonderful Organisation

August 11, 2023
Article, Business, Compassion, Culture change, Improvement, Organisational effectiveness, Quintessence
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Cultivating a Wonderful Organisation

In the anodyne landscape of business, the term ‘wonderful’ might seem out of place. Organisations, traditionally, have been behemoths focused on efficiency, productivity, and of course, profitability. But can they also be places of joy, growth, and genuine connection? And as we strive for this ideal, it’s worth pausing and pondering: “Are we on a fool’s errand?”

1. Valuing the Human Element

Every organisation, at its core, is a community of people. Recognising and celebrating their efforts, emotions, aspirations, and yes, humanity, can not only boost morale but also lead to unforeseen innovations and collaborations.

2. Open Channels, Open Minds

We might choose to believe that promoting a culture where communication flows freely, without barriers, is crucial. Whether it’s through regular team check-ins, feedback platforms, or fellowship, open dialogue builds trust and shared purpose.

3. Holistic Growth Opportunities

The best organisations don’t just invest in job-related trainings. They look at people holistically, offering programs on mental well-being, soft skills, or even unrelated passions, understanding that a fulfilled individual performs better.

4. Striking a Life-Work Balance

The traditional work-life balance is evolving into work-life harmony. Organisations that prioritise this, be it through flexible hours, remote or hybrid working, or mental health days, showcase a deeper understanding of the modern-day employee’s needs.

5. Discovering In-house Gems

Every person is more than their job description. By supporting them in showcasing their hidden talents or passions, organisations can harness this potential for varied purposes, from marketing campaigns to team-building activities.

6. Leading with Heart

Decision-making can be compassionate without compromising on efficiency. Teams who understand and empathise with each other foster loyalty and a more motivated workforce.

7. Solutions over Blame Games

Instead of fixating on errors, shifting the narrative towards constructive feedback and collaborative problem-solving makes challenges more surmountable and less intimidating.

But Are We On A Fool’s Errand?

It’s a question worth considering. In aiming for an organisation that’s not just successful but also ‘wonderful’, are we reaching for the unattainable? Realistically, no organisation will be without its challenges. But striving for ‘wonderfulness’ isn’t about creating a utopia. It’s about setting an intention – a direction rather than a destination. While complete transformation may seem like a distant dream, the small positive changes we effect ripple out, creating waves of improvement in employee satisfaction, innovation, and profitability.

In essence, aiming for a wonderful organisation is neither naive nor futile. Instead, it’s a testament to the evolving corporate ethos that recognises the intrinsic value of its people, understanding that a wonderful organisation’s true strength lies in its collective spirit.

Further Reading

For those intrigued by the idea of creating a ‘wonderful’ organisation, the following resources delve deeper into this topic, providing insights, real-world examples, and strategies:

  1. Joy, Inc.: How We Built a Workplace People Love by Richard Sheridan.
    • Sheridan, R. (2013). Joy, Inc.: How We Built a Workplace People Love. Portfolio.
      In “Joy, Inc.,” Richard Sheridan uncovers the journey of Menlo Innovations, a software design and development company, as they endeavor to create a joy-filled workplace. Sheridan discusses the challenges faced and the radical approaches adopted to foster innovation, teamwork, and – most importantly – joy. This book offers a fascinating look into a successful business that prioritises employee happiness and provides valuable insights for organisations seeking to adopt a similar ethos.
  2. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown.
    • Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham.
      Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability, shame, and empathy has transformed the way many organisations perceive leadership and team dynamics. “Daring Greatly” delves into the power of vulnerability in building more profound connections, fostering trust, and encouraging innovation.

These resources provide a deeper understanding and a comprehensive framework for those aiming to create an organisation where ‘wonderfulness’ is more than just an ideal but an actionable and attainable goal.

Genuine Empathy in AI?

August 10, 2023
AI, Article, Compassion, Dialogue, Empathy, Listening, Nonviolent Communication, Prompt Engineering
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Genuine Empathy in AI?

In the digital age, with AI permeating human interactions, the call for machines to exhibit genuine empathy becomes not only desirable but essential. As these systems engage with humans in fields ranging from healthcare to customer service, genuine empathy fosters trust, understanding, and human-like connection. Beyond these human-machine interfaces, there’s a burgeoning realm of AI-to-AI interaction and self-reflective AI systems that beckon exploration. To grasp the profound nature and nuances of this empathetic challenge, let’s dive into David Bohm’s holistic consciousness and Marshall Rosenberg’s intricate empathy.

The Rosenbarg Perspective on Empathy

Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), had a profound understanding of empathy, which was central to his teachings. NVC is a communication process designed to improve compassionate connection with others, and empathy plays a pivotal role in this process.

For Rosenberg, empathy was more than just understanding someone’s feelings. Here’s how he defined and conceptualised empathy:

  1. Deep, Compassionate Presence: Rosenberg believed that empathy involves being deeply present with someone, without judgment, analysis, or interpretation. This means setting aside our evaluations and simply being with the person, connecting to what they are experiencing in the current moment.
  2. Feeling WITH Someone: Rather than feeling FOR someone (sympathy), empathy, according to Rosenberg, is about feeling WITH them. This involves a deep connection where you’re not just observing or understanding their feelings but genuinely connecting with their emotional state.
  3. Avoiding Advice, Sympathy, or Analysis: One of the distinct aspects of Rosenberg’s definition of empathy is what it’s not. He emphasised that genuine empathy is not about giving advice, offering sympathy, explaining things, or telling stories of our similar experiences. Empathy is about fully being with the other person in their emotional experience. IOW It’s all about them and what they’re feeling.
  4. Understanding the Feeling and Need: In the NVC process, Rosenberg pointed out the importance of identifying and understanding both the feeling and the underlying need of the individual. Empathy, in this context, is about recognising what someone is feeling and what they are needing or longing for that is causing that feeling.
  5. Receiving “from the Heart”: For Rosenberg, empathy was also about “receiving from the heart.” This means connecting with the essence of what the person is saying, beyond the words or the surface level, and truly being with them in their emotional state.
  6. A Way of Being, Not Just Doing: While many view empathy as an action or a response, Rosenberg viewed it as a way of being. It’s not just about doing empathetic things or saying empathetic words, but genuinely embodying a state of compassionate connection with others.

In summary, Marshall Rosenberg’s definition of empathy is deeply rooted in compassionate connection, presence, and understanding. It’s about being fully with someone in their emotional experience, free from judgments or preconceived notions, and connecting with their feelings and needs. This approach to empathy, integral to Nonviolent Communication, offers a profound way to relate to and connect with others.

Interconnected Consciousness and the Depth of Empathy

Bohm’s “undivided wholeness” paints a universe of interconnected consciousness. Rosenberg’s empathy, meanwhile, anchors on compassionate presence, understanding intrinsic feelings and needs without judgment.

In the AI realm, this suggests that for genuine empathy to manifest, machines must not only echo Bohm’s interconnected consciousness but also embody Rosenberg’s deep connection.

Material Thought, AI, and Empathic Being

Bohm saw thoughts as material entities deeply embedded within consciousness. Here lies a challenge: Can AI’s logical, algorithmic processes merge with Rosenberg’s notion of empathy as an emotional state of being? Genuine empathy, for AI, isn’t just about recognising patterns; it’s a plunge into heartfelt connection.

Fragmentation and Genuine Connection

Both luminaries warn against fragmented perceptions. Bohm believes in holistic comprehension, and Rosenberg advocates for deep, undistorted empathy. AI, shaped by human perspectives, must break free from inherited fragmented thinking to truly embrace Rosenberg’s full-spectrum empathy.

Beyond the Surface: The Deep Dive into Emotion

Mirroring Bohm’s multilayered reality, Rosenberg’s empathy probes beneath emotions to the root needs. AI’s challenge is twofold: understand the explicit while journeying into the profound realm of human needs.

AI Dialogues and Emotional Resonance

Open dialogues hold significance in both Bohm’s and Rosenberg’s teachings. For AI to grasp genuine empathy, it must not only partake in these dialogues with humans but resonate emotionally, discerning feelings and needs.

Empathy Between AIs and Self-reflection Within an AI

Moving beyond human-AI interaction, consider the realm where AIs interact amongst themselves. Do they need a form of empathy? Would that be useful?  In AI-to-AI dynamics, empathy can facilitate smoother interactions, helping systems anticipate and complement each other’s operations.

Then there’s introspective AI – systems capable of self-reflection. For a machine to reflect upon its actions and learn autonomously, a form of empathy, understanding its ‘state’ or ‘condition’ in relation to its environment and objectives, could be pivotal. This self-empathy, a blend of Bohm’s interconnectedness and Rosenberg’s depth of feeling, might be the cornerstone for advanced autonomous AI evolution.

Conclusion

Bohm’s and Rosenberg’s intertwined teachings sketch a roadmap for AI’s empathetic journey, covering human interactions, AI interrelations, and machine introspection. This isn’t just a technical endeavor but a deep philosophical quest, navigating interconnected consciousness and the heart of compassionate connection.

Rosenberg and Bohm: A Dialogue on Empathy and Consciousness

Scene: A serene garden setting. Birds chirp in the background. A table is set with two chairs. David Bohm and Marshall Rosenberg sit facing each other, cups of tea in hand.

Bohm: Marshall, I’ve always been fascinated by your perspective on empathy, which resonates with my understanding of the interconnected nature of consciousness. For me, every fragment of the universe is interconnected, a holistic whole.

Rosenberg: David, that’s interesting because empathy, in my view, is also about seeing the interconnectedness of human emotions and needs. It’s about fully connecting with another person’s experience without judgments, just being present with them.

Bohm: Precisely! Our thoughts are material, and they shape and are shaped by this interconnectedness. When we fragment and compartmentalize, we miss out on this wholeness. This mirrors your notion of avoiding advice or analysis and just being present, doesn’t it?

Rosenberg: Absolutely. Fragmentation in communication leads to a lack of understanding. Empathy requires that deep, unfragmented connection. It’s not about feeling for someone; it’s about feeling with them, tapping into their emotional state and understanding the underlying needs.

Bohm: That aligns with the notion of the implicate order, where there’s a deeper reality beneath the surface phenomena. Genuine empathy, as you describe it, seems to be about tapping into that deeper realm of emotions and needs, acknowledging the hidden wholeness.

Rosenberg: Indeed, David. And as we embrace technology, especially AI, it’s vital to infuse these systems with a sense of this deep understanding and interconnectedness. While machines might never truly “feel” like humans do, they can be designed to respect this profound interrelation of emotions and needs.

Bohm: Precisely, Marshall. While AI might reflect the patterns we teach them, if they can be designed to recognise and respect this interconnected web of emotions and consciousness, their interactions with humans and even with each other would be harmonious.

Rosenberg: That’s a beautiful vision, David. Machines that understand the value of unfragmented, empathetic connections, mirroring the essence of Nonviolent Communication in their interactions.

Bohm: And remaining true to the undivided wholeness of the universe, fostering genuine connections rather than superficial ones.

After a thoughtful pause, the two draft a communique:

Communiqué from David Bohm and Marshall Rosenberg:

“In the evolving tapestry of human-machine integration, we underscore the importance of fostering genuine, unfragmented connections. Just as the universe is an interconnected whole, and human interactions thrive on deep, empathetic understanding, we envision a future where technology respects and mirrors this profound interconnectedness. AI systems, while they might not ‘feel’ in the human sense, should be designed to recognise, respect, and operate within this web of interconnected emotions and consciousness. This is our shared vision for a harmonious coexistence between man and machine.”

The two nod in agreement, taking a sip of their tea, the world around them echoing their sentiment of interconnectedness and understanding.

Further Reading

  1. Bohm, D. (1980). Wholeness and the Implicate Order. Routledge & Kegan Paul.
    • In this seminal work, physicist David Bohm explores the nature of reality, suggesting that the world consists of deeper layers of reality that are hidden or “implicate”. Drawing upon quantum theory, Bohm presents a revised framework for understanding the universe as an undivided whole where every part is connected to every other part. This thought-provoking treatise challenges conventional notions of fragmentation and separation, proposing instead a holistic worldview that has significant implications for various disciplines, from physics to philosophy.
  2. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
    • Marshall Rosenberg’s foundational book introduces the transformative approach to communication known as Nonviolent Communication (NVC). NVC emphasizes empathy, compassion, and understanding in interpersonal interactions, urging individuals to connect with the needs and feelings of others without judgment. Rosenberg provides practical strategies for de-escalating conflicts, fostering deeper relationships, and building communities rooted in mutual respect. This work is especially valuable for anyone seeking to improve personal and professional relationships through the power of compassionate communication.

For those looking to delve deep into the interconnected nature of reality or seeking transformative communication strategies that emphasise genuine empathy and connection, these two works offer invaluable insights.

Broaden: Catalyze the Shift to Conscious Fellowship

August 9, 2023
Article, Business, Caring, Community, Compassion, Culture change, Fellowship, Memeology, Quintessence, Teambuilding
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Broaden: Catalyze the Shift to Conscious Fellowship

A new paradigm is emerging: one that prioritises ‘conscious fellowship’ over competitive individualism or sheepy leader/follower dynamics. Gone are the days when success was solely defined by one’s ability to outperform peers. Today, collaborative thinking, team spirit, and conscious engagement with colleagues are taking center stage. Even more, caring for one another. Let’s dive deeper into understanding this shift and why it might be useful for modern businesses.

What is Conscious Fellowship?

Conscious fellowship is an evolved form of collaboration where people come together with a shared purpose, mutual respect, and a genuine concern for the well-being of each other and the larger ecosystem they operate in. It’s a holistic approach to teamwork, emphasising empathy, understanding, and a collective spirit.

The Rise of Conscious Fellowship: Why Now?

  1. Technological Advances: Technology has blurred boundaries and allowed teams to work seamlessly across borders. This interdependence demands a heightened level of mutual respect and understanding.
  2. Millennial, Gen Z and (soon) Gen Alpha Influence: Younger generations entering the workforce value meaningful work, a sense of purpose, and a supportive work culture. They thrive in environments that promote conscious fellowship.
  3. Global Challenges: As businesses tackle global challenges like climate change, pandemics, and social inequities, they recognise the need for collective, cohesive action over individual pursuits.

The Benefits of Conscious Fellowship in Business

  1. Enhanced Productivity: When teams function based on trust, compassion and mutual respect, they work more efficiently, reduce conflict, and foster creativity.
  2. Employee Well-being: A supportive work environment reduces stress, burnout, and turnover. People feel more valued and are more likely to contribute positively.
  3. Sustainable Growth: Businesses that practice conscious fellowship are better positioned to adapt to changes, as they harness the collective intelligence of their teams.

How to Catalyze the Shift to Conscious Fellowship

  1. Seniors Role Modeling: Seniors play a crucial role in setting the tone. When they exemplify the principles of conscious fellowship, they inspire others to do the same.
  2. Open Communication: Encourage open dialogue, active listening, and feedback. When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to collaborate effectively.
  3. Training and Development: Offer workshops and training sessions that emphasise empathy, communication, and collaboration. Invite and support people to equip themselves with the abilities they need.
  4. Reward and Recognition Systems: Enable teams to recognise and reward their teamwork and collaborative efforts. Shift focus from individual accomplishments to collective achievements.
  5. Cultural Integration: Integrate conscious fellowship into your company’s core values and mission. Make it one of the organisation’s key memes.

Final Thoughts

In a world where the only constant is change, the need for businesses to be nimble, resilient, and adaptable is paramount. Conscious fellowship, as an approach to teamwork, provides a solid foundation for businesses to navigate these uncertain times. By embracing this ethos, companies not only drive success but also create a meaningful, positive impact on their employees and the world at large.

Broaden your horizons, and make the shift to conscious fellowship today. Your team, your business, and the world will be better for it.

Further Reading

Marshall, R.W.. (2023). The Team Fruit Bowl – A Fruity Look at Teambuilding. [online] leanpub.com. Falling Blossoms (LeanPub). Available at:https://leanpub.com/theteamfruitbowl

Marshall, R.W. (2021). Quintessence: An Acme for Software Development Organisations. [online] leanpub.com. Falling Blossoms (LeanPub). Available at: https://leanpub.com/quintessence/ [Accessed 15 Jun 2022].

Marshall, R.W. (2021). Memeology: Surfacing And Reflecting On The Organisation’s Collective Assumptions And Beliefs. [online] leanpub.com. Falling Blossoms (LeanPub). Available at: https://leanpub.com/memeology/ [Accessed 15 Jun 2022].

Marshall, R.W. (2018). Hearts over Diamonds: Serving Business and Society Through Organisational Psychotherapy. [online] leanpub.com. Falling Blossoms (LeanPub). Available at: https://leanpub.com/heartsoverdiamonds/ [Accessed 15 Jun 2022].

Marshall, R.W. (2021). Organisational Psychotherapy Bundle 1. [online] Leanpub. Available at: https://leanpub.com/b/organisationalpsychotherapybundle1 [Accessed 15 Jun. 2022].

“Deserving”, Entitlement, and Violence: A Fresh Take on Communication

August 5, 2023
Article, Compassion, Needs, Nonviolent Communication, Relationships
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“Deserving”, Entitlement, and Violence: A Fresh Take on Communication

Understanding Nonviolent Communication

At the heart of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a method developed by Marshall Rosenberg, lies the principle of shared human connection. As we journey through life, this method can drastically shape how we interpret, understand, and respond to others, especially in heated or challenging situations. Rosenberg dedicated his career to understanding different factors that contribute to aggressive behaviours in our interactions, with a particular emphasis on the concepts of “deserving” and “entitlement”.

Deserving, Entitlement and Their Role in Society

“Deserving” is often used as a benchmark to determine who receives rewards and who gets punishments. Do what someone wants, and you’re seen as deserving of praise; stray from the path and you’re seen as deserving of punishment. Entitlement goes a step further, suggesting that one inherently deserves rewards, respect, or special treatment. It’s within this framework that the ideas of deserving and entitlement can give rise to violence.

The Scope of Violence

Violence, as defined by Rosenberg, isn’t restricted to just physical harm – it encompasses psychological and emotional harm too. This can include anything from passive-aggressive comments or dismissive attitudes, to more direct forms like bullying or physical aggression.

The Pitfalls of a Deserving or Entitled Lens

When we view others through a “deserving” or “entitled” lens, we judge them. This perspective can lead us towards a black-and-white mindset: right vs wrong, good vs bad, in vs out. This oversimplified view neglects to consider the complex motivations and needs that drive human behaviour.

For example, imagine a friend who regularly arrives late. An immediate reaction might be, “They deserve to be left out next time,” or, “They’re always late because they feel entitled to our patience.” This viewpoint not only labels and judges your friend, but could also incite conflict or violent communication. The focus is on punishment, rather than understanding the reasons behind their tardiness. (See also: The Fundamental Attribution Error).

The Power Dynamics of Deserving and Entitlement

The mentality of deserving and entitlement can create a power dynamic where some individuals are perceived as superior (those doling out rewards or punishments) and others as subservient (those on the receiving end). This dynamic fuel violence as it cultivates feelings of resentment, rebellion, and anger among those seen as ‘undeserving’ or ‘over-entitled’.

Shifting from Deserving to Needs

Rosenberg’s solution was to invite a shift in thinking – from thinking in terms of ‘deserving’ or ‘entitlement’ to thinking in terms of ‘needs’. Instead of deciding if someone deserves something or not, make an effort to understand the feelings and needs driving their actions. Recognising these needs nurtures empathy and helps to resolve conflicts.

Fostering Understanding and Compassion

Rosenberg advocated for replacing judgment with curiosity, to promote understanding and compassion. By doing so, we can encourage peaceful conflict resolution and cooperative communication, breaking away from the punitive and destructive cycles of reward and punishment.

Conclusion: Towards Healthier Interactions

In conclusion, letting go of the notions of ‘deserving’ and ‘entitlement’ can significantly transform how we approach communication and conflict. Judgment is replaced with understanding, punishment with empathy, and violence with peace. This shift allows us to see each other not in terms of what we and others ‘deserve’ or ‘feel entitled to’, but by what we ‘need’. This, in turn, paves the way for healthier, more compassionate interactions.And world peace.

Pity, Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion: Four Pillars of Healthy Workplace Relationships and Their Consequences

July 5, 2023
Article, Compassion, Empathy, Organisational Therapy, Relationships
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Pity, Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion: Four Pillars of Healthy Workplace Relationships and Their Consequences

Interpersonal relationships in the workplace are pivotal to the success of any organisation. The levels at which we connect with our colleagues – pity, sympathy, empathy, and compassion – each offer unique opportunities for fostering strong ties and driving a culture of cooperation, trust, and resilience. However, these interactions also come with distinct consequences.

Pity, as the first level, often carries an air of condescension. Though the act of acknowledging a colleague’s adversity is important, pity may unintentionally imply a sense of superiority. This can create distance in relationships, a hierarchical perception, and sometimes discomfort for the person being pitied. Thus, it’s critical to ensure the demonstration of understanding does not descend into patronising behavior, as this could lead to an unwelcoming and strained workplace environment.

At the level of sympathy, we see a more genuine emotional reaction to another’s situation. Sympathy can facilitate connections as we show concern and recognise our colleagues’ feelings. This acknowledgment can strengthen the sense of belonging and rapport within teams. However, it can also lead to an overemphasis on negative emotions if not balanced well, which may dampen overall morale or productivity.

Empathy goes beyond simply recognising another’s feelings – it involves experiencing them vicariously. This level fosters an environment of emotional intelligence, mutual understanding, and deeper connections, leading to improved collaboration and teamwork. But, the consequences of empathy can sometimes involve emotional exhaustion or burnout, especially if we’re frequently navigating high-intensity emotional landscapes. It’s essential, therefore, to manage empathetic relationships judiciously, ensuring our own emotional well-being.

Finally, compassion combines understanding, emotional connection, and the urge to help or alleviate another’s suffering. Compassion drives pro-social behavior and positive action in the workplace, boosting employee morale, collaboration, and well-being. The downside, however, might involve blurred professional boundaries and over-commitment, which can strain resources and disrupt work-life balance. Still, if carefully managed, compassion stands as the highest pillar in fostering a productive and nurturing work environment.

Each of these levels offers unique possibilities and challenges in building and managing workplace relationships. By understanding the consequences that arise from each, we can consciously guide our interactions and foster an environment that balances emotional connections with productivity, encouraging not only individual growth but also the overall success of our relationships.

Lessons from History: Ignaz Semmelweis, Unwashed Hands and Ignored Evidence

May 16, 2023
Alien tech, Article, Compassion, Culture change, Lamentation, Learning
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Lessons from History: Ignaz Semmelweis, Unwashed Hands and Ignored Evidence

Ignaz Semmelweis

The tale of Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis, a 19th-century Hungarian physician, is a poignant lesson from history about the risks of ignoring empirical evidence. Semmelweis, often referred to as the ‘savior of mothers’, made a groundbreaking discovery: that childbed fever, a leading cause of death among women in childbirth, could be significantly reduced if doctors simply washed their hands with chlorinated lime solutions. Despite solid data supporting his assertion, Semmelweis’s peers rejected his claims, reluctant to accept the notion that they could be the carriers of disease. Tragically, the subsequent years saw egregious and unnecessary loss of life, only to have Semmelweis’s hygiene protocol later adopted as the standard.

Incredibly, despite clear evidence, and over a century of progress, studies show that healthcare professionals today still frequently neglect hand hygiene. This lapse not only perpetuates the risk of infections but also symbolizes a broader issue: the disregard for clear evidence in professional practices (and cf. Compassionomics).

Drawing an analogy, the field of software development offers a strikingly similar scenario. Despite decades of research suggesting that management practices are the rock upon which software projects so often founder, many developers and organisations still fail to address the issue. The reasons might vary, ranging from tight schedules to a lack of understanding of their importance, but the result remains the same: sub-optimal outcomes that could otherwise be avoided.

This recurring pattern of ignoring evidence in favor of established practices or convenience is not just an issue in medicine or software development, but can be found across various fields. It underscores the deeply ingrained human tendencies of resistance to evidence and pervasive cognitive biases. We often favour our existing assumptions and beliefs, even when confronted with compelling evidence that suggests we might better choose to think or act differently.

In conclusion, the case of Ignaz Semmelweis serves as a stark reminder of the importance of embracing evidence-based practices, however uncomfortable or inconvenient they may be. Both in medicine and software development, and indeed in every field of human endeavor, we might choose to keep our minds open to new evidence, be ready to question our established practices, and be willing to change.

The stakes are high: the health of our patients, the quality of our software, the progress of our societies, and ultimately, the advancement of our collective human knowledge.

It is clear that to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past, we must learn to balance our intuition and experience with the humility to acknowledge and adapt when evidence points to a better way. It is a lesson that Dr. Semmelweis, with his chlorinated lime solutions, would want us to remember.

Empowering Communication: A Philosophy for Success

March 3, 2023
Article, Compassion, Culture change, Nonviolent Communication
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Empowering Communication: A Philosophy for Success

Imagine a workplace where honesty and directness are not only accepted but celebrated, and communication is clear and respectful. This is the world of both Radical Candor and Nonviolent Communication.

The concept of Radical Candor has been widely reported, but we can choose to understand that it’s not the same as “brutal honesty.” Radical Candor is a philosophy that emphasises clear communication, feedback, and ongoing strengthening of interpersonal relationships. It encourages people to provide guidance and support to their each other, while also holding each other accountable for their performance. Radical Candor is all about being honest and direct, while still showing empathy and understanding.

In contrast, Nonviolent Communication, also known as NVC or Compassionate Communication, is a communication process developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It focuses on identifying and expressing feelings and needs in a way that fosters mutual understanding and connection. The goal of NVC is to create a shared understanding between individuals by exploring and acknowledging their needs.

While both Radical Candor and Nonviolent Communication emphasise the importance of clear communication and empathy, they differ in their approach. Radical Candor encourages direct communication, even if it’s uncomfortable or difficult, while still maintaining a level of compassion and care for the individual. On the other hand, NVC emphasises direct identification and expression of needs in a way that fosters mutual understanding, compassion and respect.

In summary, Radical Candor and Nonviolent Communication both seek to improve interpersonal communication and relationships. Both approaches have their strengths, take your pick, or apply both in concert!